No Were To Run Quotes

“What did you just call me?” Nicolai asked with a disbelieving look of horror on his stupidly pretty face. All eyes in the room were now wide with amused shock. Apparently irreverence and violence gained points with these fire breathers. “Asscrack,” I replied evenly. “However, if you’re more comfortable with Assbucket or Asscanoe, I’ll happily oblige”
― Robyn Peterman, No Were To Run

“I’ll say this once and then I’m done. I have been through hell and back so many times, I can’t tell the difference anymore. The Marias in life don’t bother me. I can tear them to shreds then go to a tea party. My heart is hard and I care about very little. However, my sense of justice and injustice is very clear.”
― Robyn Peterman, No Were To Run

“Sweet Baby Jane without mascara, did you just poof here from Chicago?” Dwayne asked as he swiped at the air to tamp down the glittery golden smoke.”
― Robyn Peterman, No Were To Run

“Note to self—never take fashion from a Vampyre who moonlights as a drag queen.”
― Robyn Peterman, No Were To Run

“Oh hell no, I hear music. Granny’s gonna dance. Move your ass or everyone is gonna see her no-nos.”
― Robyn Peterman, No Were To Run

“Tears filled my eyes and I tried not to laugh at the thought of my son being raised by a gay Vampyre with eight adopted violent, yet sweet, Were Cow daughters but a small smile made its way to my trembling lips. “I believe she asked me,” Essie corrected her BFF. “Please,” Dwayne huffed. “You and Hank travel too much and if you become Council members it would be awfully hard to hide a Dragon.” “You think you’re up to raising a preschool fire-breather, Bagina Man?” Essie inquired with a smirk. “Yes, I do I Wipe My HooHoo with Poison Ivy,” he shot back.”
― Robyn Peterman, No Were To Run

“The only thing I ask is that if I die and my father still lives, you would keep my son safe. He’s the only thing in the world that means anything to me.” I wasn’t used to asking for things. It was difficult and my pride was taking a beating, but my son was far more precious than my ego. “Done,” Dwayne said without missing a beat. “I’m clearly outnumbered with eight daughters and I’ve always wanted a son. Being gay and dead it’s highly unlikely I’ll get an heir in the usual fashion. I have more homes than I even know about. I can keep him hidden for eternity and the Cows will spoil his little fire-ass rotten.”
― Robyn Peterman, No Were To Run

“Oh God,” Dwayne announced dramatically. “One time I ingested a bag of sequins by accident and got excited that my poop would sparkle, but then I remembered I don’t poop. Vampyres can’t poop.” That statement received total silence from everyone except for Daniel who unfortunately thought it was hilarious. “I’m not even going to ask how a blood drinker eats sequins by accident,”
― Robyn Peterman, No Were To Run

“You’re gorge,” Dwayne announced as he pulled out fabric swatches and laid them next to the invitations and pictures of wedding cakes he’d torn from magazines. “Both you and Essie are so hawt, if I liked vaginas I’d be on you like white on rice.” “What’s a bagina?” Daniel asked, pointing a chubby finger at the now paler than usual Vamp. “Ohhhh, um…well, a bagina is a dance done by extinct tribes of Pygmy Goat Shifters,” Dwayne stuttered as I reluctantly gave him a chance to crawl out of the body part hole. “If we say bagina too many times the goats will magically appear and eat all the cookies that Granny made—not to mention they smell like rotting fish—so we really don’t want to use that term.”
― Robyn Peterman, No Were To Run