That's Not How You Wash a Squirrel Quotes

“However bad my day is, I can always depend on you to be having a worse one. Misery loves company and with you it's like having a party,”
― David R Thorne, That's Not How You Wash a Squirrel: A collection of new essays and emails

“It’s always either football or cricket season in Australia. I followed neither.”
― David Thorne, That's Not How You Wash a Squirrel

“At one point, Joylene (a large woman from HR with four framed photos of her cats and one of her deceased father holding a trout on her desk) actually stated, “Ooo, I love Excel.”    Who says, “Ooo, I love Excel.”? How is it even a sentence? Each time Joylene had a question, she waved her pen, with a huge rainbow colored feather taped to the end, above her head while making excited “uh, uh, um, uh” noises.   “Yes, Joylene?” “If I want my columns color coded, am I able to mix my own preferred range of blues from a palette or do I have to select from the four-thousand shades of blue it already has?” “And that, your Honor, is when the defendant leapt across the desk. I enter into evidence the rainbow feather pen.”   If there ever comes a time where I’m typing numbers into boxes and decide I’d really like those boxes with numbers to be a specific shade of blue, it will be time to turn off the computer, pack my things, and start a fire.”
― David Thorne, That's Not How You Wash a Squirrel