For Richer, For Poorer Quotes

“The figure continued to stare towards the shed in a bizarre stand-off between man and slightly rotting wood.”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“This is about as joined-up as we ever get. Everyone’s bloody delighted. I even got the kids to school on time this morning.”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“As he ran out of the door, Jessica rolled sideways, keeping her grip on Flora but trying not to either hurt the other woman or get clattered herself. She slipped off the bed, avoided Flora’s flailing foot, wrenched up the bottom of the duvet – and then threw it forward until the thrashing woman was entirely covered. Then she sat on her.”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“Big Boot Bertie”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“A minute and a half later and it came: ‘Go.’ Jessica turned to the biggest officer, who put his size elevens to good use with the crunching eloquence of splintering wood, and in they went. The officer with the big feet was a bit carried away, bellowing ‘Get down on the floor’ at the top of his voice as if they were ambushing terrorists intent on exploding a dirty bomb, rather than a young woman who was ‘def not a size 8’ and potentially a punter who would be more worried about finding his pants than anything else. ‘I’m not messing, get down on the ground!”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“Quite why a site with such explicit content bothered to blank out the ruder words, Jessica wasn’t quite sure”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“With seventeen separate raids happening at the same time, officers had been brought in on overtime from all over, with a member of CID ‘overseeing’ procedures at each site as if uniform weren’t capable of barging into a house and arresting a few people.”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“He had slightly Mediterranean looks, olive skin, black short hair and sideburns around his sticky-out ears. Quite the catch… if you had a thing about ears.”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“So tell me what C and A means.’ Ana was flailing her arm around, scowling at Jessica but knowing she wasn’t going to get her own way. ‘It’s a, how you say… a bar.’ ‘A pub?’ ‘Crown and Anchor.’ How a group of police officers had managed to miss the name of a pub, no one seemed quite sure. It was like someone being knocked over in front of a solicitors’ office and none of them realising, or a celebrity being shagged in the reception area of a newspaper and journalists walking past. Frankly, it was embarrassing.”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“You’re not going to knee anyone, are you?’ ‘Of course I’m not. Just stop the bloke before he runs and don’t hit anyone unless you get a thumbs-up from me.’ ‘An actual thumbs-up?’ ‘Or a nod – any sort of positive gesture means you can wallop someone.”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“We have marriage archives dating back almost three hundred years.’ Archie sniggered: ‘I feel sorry for the poor sod who’s been married for three hundred years. Imagine the nagging.”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“You’ve got to have something wrong with you to be wearing trousers that tight. I mean, where does it all go? Do you tuck it between your legs or something?”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“Not when you’re asking. I could say “Yes, I’m free” and then you’re like, “Oh good, you can go and help drag the canal because someone’s dumped a dead cow in it.”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“You know what those slimy bastards are like – they’d probably claim Pavel was innocently walking along the alley when someone threw the body at him. He put his hands up to protect himself and ended up getting his skin under the dead body’s nails.”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“She felt slightly better as she turned to head back, empty mug in hand, when one of the Americans leant in and drawled in a beautiful southern accent: ‘Don’t worry about him. Everyone from New Jersey’s a complete asshole.”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“Jessica bit her tongue, heading towards the stairs and wondering what toilet-water tea would taste like.”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“Interview nine – Janine Smith, forty-eight; theft from a shop x24, threatening behaviour x4. Dark top cut far too low for a woman of her age, skinny jeans that should only be worn by someone skinny, hint of a moustache, mullet. Quite the catch:”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“I can barely understand what half the street kids are on about nowadays, let alone knowing eight languages.”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“People could get nicked for carrying a butter knife in their back pockets, yet women were allowed to walk around with talons on their fingers and nobody batted an eyelid. Well, unless said eyelid was ripped off their faces by an errant claw and then they’d have something to say about it.”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“Any word from our lads keeping an eye on the jewellery and pawn shops?’ ‘Nope – though there are rumours Franks misheard the instruction and ended up in a porno shop.’ ‘Wouldn’t surprise me, the dirty sod. Good rumour – let’s keep telling people that. What else is going on?”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“Bloody council things – it doesn’t matter where you work, there’s always some stupid civic thing you have to go to. You shake hands, nod politely and then stand around for two hours wondering what you’re doing there. No wonder the country’s gone to the dogs – we spend all our time fannying around gasbagging to each other.”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“She wondered if she would have a better day if she left the letter and took the two grand from the clinic straight to the airport and picked somewhere warm to fly to.”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“When the line cut back in, he sounded out of breath, as if he’d lifted his arm, or bent over.”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“Don’t worry about him. Everyone from New Jersey’s a complete asshole.”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer

“In my day, a student flat would be full of beer cans, bongs and sex toys. Now it’s all herbal teas, textbooks and Disney movies. It’s a disgrace.”
― Kerry Wilkinson, For Richer, For Poorer