The Subs Club Quotes

“Those are mints! For your mouth! They’re my favorite kind of mints, and now I’ll never be able to enjoy them again because you’ve turned them into ass mints!”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“Small talk is last refuge of the insecure.”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“It felt more difficult, the older I got, to connect with others. People didn’t seem as wonderful and amazing and unique as they had when I was in college. And being around the kind of people who didn’t seem to care who I was or what I wanted in life, like my coworkers, made me feel lonelier than actually being alone.”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“He pointed at the paper. “I want you to write me a description of every foot you’ve put wrong since we met. Make sure I can read your writing. You have five minutes.”

Write about every foot I’d put wrong. I peered down at my feet.

I started to write: My left foot is a size eight point five. It has a high arch, and my big toe is longer than my second toe. There is a light smattering of hair on the top of my foot. I paused and stuck my left leg out, studying my shoe. Right now I am wearing Nike Frees for m—
“Bring me your paper.”
I glanced at my paper. “I’m not done yet.”
“One . . . two . . .”
I brought him the paper.”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“This is your last chance to go home, son.” It was the loudest I’d heard him speak.
I froze.
Cock, meet jeans. Jeans, please contain cock.”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“Miles grumbled. “Well, stick to hot sauce or ginger in the future if you’re figging.”
Kamen strummed his guitar, coming up with the chords for “Killing Me Softly.”
“Figgin me softly with hot sauce,” he sang over the sounds of justice being served. “Figging me so-oftly, with hot sauce.”
“Buddy . . .” I warned.
“Filling my whole ass with his burn . . .”
I turned to Gould. “Do you believe this is happening?”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“I actually like 'the Subs Club' as a name."
Kamen nodded. "We're like the Baby-Sitters Club. Except instead of babysitting, we're face-sitting."
"Kamen, gross.”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“Make me fucking listen to you, I’d shouted at him the night of the crossword.
But that wasn’t exactly what I’d meant.
Make me listen to me. Make me do the things I know I need to do.
The lists are fine. They’re fun. But I need you to make me do more than stand on a mat. I need you to push me to do more than take a paddling.”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“Maybe, I thought, there was something at least a little brave, a little grown-up, about knowing what you needed and asking for it. About being vulnerable in front of people who could cover you with a new kind of strength. A strength that wasn’t about hiding your moments of fear and uncertainty and stupidity, but was about being a whole person, boldly.”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“If you play safely, then you’ve got nothing to fear about talking.”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“Appointments?! Like this fuck-cake was in such high demand he couldn’t take a couple of hours out of his day to spank me?”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“Anything else you want to discuss before we begin?”

“Who cuts your hair? You should run them through with their own thinning shears. You have a wonderful face, and so much wasted potential for—” He stepped forward and grabbed my ear. “Ow!”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“You sure you don't want to wait until it's raining or he's about to catch a flight out of the country?”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“Who are you?" I asked it in a harsh whisper. "Who the fuck loves horses and watching people shit and tighty-whities and Davy Crockett? A fucking psycho, that's who.”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“If the receiver is completely relaxed, and herbal tea is used as a solution . . .”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up.” I turned my face toward him, forgetting, for a second, about the chaos within. “You want to put tea up my ass?”
“It’s incredibly soothing.”
“You’re incredibly psychotic.”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“He was polite, let me set the limits, and gave me snacks afterward."
"Aww, snack doms are the best!”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“We don't really have to call it the Subs Club. That was just a lame placeholder title I put in."
Kamen crossed his arms on the table. "It makes me want a sandwich.”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“The place smelled like leather and cedar and pine needles and the sweat of labor. Possibly e had some kind of Paul Bunyan-themed Glade PlugIn.”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“How was this guy still in business? He wasn't that hot, his attitude was insufferable, and just the thought of his mustache made me want to...
Rub off on the fucking throw cushion.
God. Damn. It.”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“There was a mountain man guy there on Friday." I fired up the laptop. "I, like, wanted to have his children and shave his face but also feel his mustache sanding my balls and have him teach me how to smoke venison. I was a bounty of contradictions.”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“Kamen, Jesus.” I took a deep breath. “I had no idea you were here.”
Kamen plopped on the couch next to Gould and sent the book crashing to the floor. “I wanted toast.”
“Can you not make toast at your place?”
“You guys have the really good bread.”
“You are aware this bread is available to the general public?”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“Pornstache vanished without so much as burying his face in my ass and giving me mustache burns on my taint. Life was cruel.”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“I'm definitely not going to be graced with a suitable partner," Miles grumbled.
I plucked at his cardigan. "Well, maybe if you didn't come to a fetish party dressed like Mr. Rogers. Are you here to get your ass beat or catch a trolley to the Neighborhood of Make Believe?”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club

“In this culture of participation awards, this society where everyone is special and legitimate skill is the mark of a bygone era, we have ceased to quantify accomplishment. I look around and see a generation of useless, over privileged men who have all been taught to express their opinions rather than get things done.”
― J.A. Rock, The Subs Club