My Best Friend's Exorcism Quotes

“I love you, Gretchen Lang. You are my reflection and my shadow and I will not let you go. We are bound together forever and ever! Until Halley’s Comet comes around again. I love you dearly and I love you queerly and no demon is bigger than this!”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“When those things happened, they learned that although those inches may add up to miles, sometimes those miles were only inches after all.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“Corn dogs," the exorcist said, "are all the proof I need that there is a God.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“For Abby, "friend" is a word whose sharp corners have been worn smooth by overuse. "I'm friends with the guys in IT," she might say, or "I'm meeting some friends after work."

But she remembers when the word "friend" could draw blood. She and Gretchen spent hours ranking their friendships, trying to determine who was a best friend and who was an everyday friend, debating whether anyone could have two best friends at the same time, writing each other's names over and over in purple ink, buzzed on the dopamine high of belonging to someone else, having a total stranger choose you, someone who wanted to know you, another person who cared that you were alive.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“Where everyone was desperate to be an individual, but they all were terrified to stand out.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“There was no falling-out, no great tragedy, just a hundred thousand trivial moments they didn’t share, each one an inch of distance between them, and eventually those inches added up to miles.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“Wasting food is no joke!” he’d shout. “That’s how Karen Carpenter died!”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“She could decide how she was going to be. She had a choice. Life could be an endless series of joyless chores, or she could get totally pumped and make it fun. There were bad things, and there were good things, but she got to choose which things to focus on. Her mom focused only on the bad things. Abby didn’t have to.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“Abby and Gretchen still kept up, but it was phone calls and letters, then postcards and voicemail, and finally emails and Facebook likes. There was no falling-out, no great tragedy, just a hundred thousand trivial moments they didn’t share, each one an inch of distance between them, and eventually those inches added up to miles.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“The devil is loud and brash and full of drama. God, He's like a sparrow.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“You have a smile like fire and eyes like thunder, and you make servants kill their masters and children kill their parents. You are the devourer of stars, the destroyer of time, the rash solution, the cleaving that can never be rejoined, giver of dooming rage.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“Nothing was strong enough to stand against the passage of time.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“Once you’ve finish reading it, you’ve finished needing it” was her motto.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“Abby Rivers and Gretchen Lang were best friends, on and off, for seventy-five years, and there aren’t many people who can say that. They weren’t perfect. They didn’t always get along. They screwed up. They acted like assholes. They fought, they fell out, they patched things up, they drove each other crazy, and they didn’t make it to Halley’s Comet. But they tried.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“She and Gretchen spent hours ranking their friendships, trying to determine who was a best friend and who was an everyday friend, debating whether anyone could have two best friends at the same time, writing each other’s names over and over in purple ink, buzzed on the dopamine high of belonging to someone else, having a total stranger choose you, someone who wanted to know you, another person who cared that you were alive.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“Now there’s always a chance that if you find acid hidden underneath a mattress in a Holiday Inn, left there by two guys you’ve never met, who were hiding it from the police and who are now in jail, it might be spiked with strychnine or something worse. But there was also a chance that it might not be spiked with strychnine or something worse, and Abby preferred to look on the bright side.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“Brother Lemon slapped his Bible against one of his palms. “Hot damn!” he shouted. “We got ourselves a demon!”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“It's April 1988 and the world belongs to them.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“You can't judge a book by its cover but the cover does give you a pretty good indication of what's inside.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“For the Langs, Madonna was totally and completely out of the question. But when Gretchen's dad was at work and her mom was taking one of her nine billion classes (Jazzercise, power walking, book club, wine club, sewing circle, women's prayer circle), Gretchen and Abby would dress up like the Material Girl and sing into the mirror. Gretchen's mom had a jewelry box devoted entirely to crosses, so it was basically like she was inviting them to do it.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“Sometimes,” he said, “when I’m shifting steel and sweating blood and I don’t think I’m going to make the clean and jerk, or when I’m stuck on the hang and can’t get the snatch, suddenly I’ll feel lighter, like someone has taken my load. And that’s when I look up and I say, ‘That was you, God. Thank you! Thank you for taking my load!”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“So,” Glee said. “If you want to communicate with Satan, you’d be better off brushing your teeth than doing ouija.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“The judge encouraged the girl’s parents not to press charges because Riley came from a fine family and had his whole future ahead of him.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“That was the good thing about Gretchen. As much as she wanted to save the planet, she was pretty casual about it.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“Abby was beginning to feel like everything was too much. She was beginning to feel like nothing she did made any difference.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“Brother Lemon and Abby looked at each other, eyes gleaming in the shadows, and then he stood up. Rummaging in one of his duffle bags, he pulled out an athletic cup and slid it down the front of his pants. He caught Abby staring.
"First place they go for," he explained. He adjusted himself and picked up a well worn bible.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“By the power of lost retainers and Jamaica and bad cornrows and fireflies and Madonna, by all these things I rebuke you.”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“This is how they always get in trouble on Scooby-Doo,”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“she screamed a scream she’d been saving since birth,”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism

“Y’all want to talk to Satan?”
― Grady Hendrix, My Best Friend's Exorcism