The Secret Life Of Billy Chase Quotes

“And yet...Stevie had suddenly touched a piece of my heart that hadn't been touched in so long that I didn't realize how hard I had been working to numb the pain of its inactivity. A place of true, unlimited, joy. A place of true love. It hadn't gone anywhere. I can't even claim to have forgotten about it. I just covered it up with as much emotional dirt and misery as I could so I could convince myself that it didn't affect me anymore. But it did...didn't it? Of all the hearts that I've tried to align myself with in the past...Brandon was the first, maybe even the only, one who knew how to accept, appreciate, and give it back to me, in excess. It took Stevie's little surprise visit to remind me of that. And you know what? I'm sorta pissed at him for that. I didn't WANT to remember! Did Stevie ever think of that? Did he ever stop and think that maybe it would just be better if I denied the whole thing ever happened? Let it go? Start over from scratch and just...find someone who wouldn't hurt me the way he did? Who wouldn't hurt him the way that I did? There have got to be couples out there who don't go through this kind of life altering heartache just to be together. Can't I be a part of one of them? Just once? Am I not worthy? Am I not welcome into that elite club of people who actually LIKE being in love? Sighhh...I just wish that was as easy a question to answer as it sounds. But it isn't. Because love is pain. They go hand in hand. If I was too happy with another person, something would still be missing. Just because it wasn't my Brandon. Not even Sam and I could pull that distraction off for more than a week or two at a time. How crazy is that? It makes NO fucking sense at all! Is”
― Comicality, The Secret Life Of Billy Chase