Bricking It Quotes

“It’s Pat The Cow, she’s Pat The Cow, If you’re in trouble, she’ll come right now. She catches thieves, she catches thugs, She’ll tell your dad if you grow drugs.”
― Nick Spalding, Bricking It

“Okay, this conversation has now officially gone so far off the beaten path I’m going to need a satnav and survival rations.”
― Nick Spalding, Bricking It

“This is par for the course any time a man lights a fire. Whether it is a bonfire, a barbecue or a campfire, we take great delight in the act of setting fire to stuff.”
― Nick Spalding, Bricking It

“Danny is initially reluctant to attend the meeting as it’s at 8.45 in the morning, but I sweeten the deal by offering to buy him breakfast afterwards. ‘Alright, I’ll come in that case,’ he says, proving that any man can be pretty much told to do anything, providing you reward them with something covered in sugar that they can shove in their mouths.”
― Nick Spalding, Bricking It

“I wish I’d chosen it as my field of study at university, rather than teaching. There would have probably been less job satisfaction – but a lot more soft-top convertibles and holidays to the tropics.”
― Nick Spalding, Bricking It

“But we are dealing with a very special cow here. One able to vanish without a trace, like Batman.”
― Nick Spalding, Bricking It

“crawled over every other inch of the place. ‘No idea,’ I tell him. ‘No idea?’ ‘Yep. Haven’t been down there. Nobody has except Fred, and he wasn’t divulging much.’ ‘He did say it was large,’ Danny points out. ‘That was about it, though.”
― Nick Spalding, Bricking It

“Butt plugs? Cock taps? Cow assault? The F-word?’ ‘Fair”
― Nick Spalding, Bricking It

“Chivalry simply does not exist when you’re talking about the relationship between a brother and a sister.”
― Nick Spalding, Bricking It

“Out of the corner of one eye I see Pat The Cow ambling towards us. Except that it is no longer Pat The Cow. It is Pattus Cowisicus, Roman deity of death and destruction. She has come to claim me! Claim me for her own! And”
― Nick Spalding, Bricking It

“Think of how proud they will be! Think of how jealous they will be that we’re on national TV and they’re not. I recognise this is not a healthy thought process, but they called me Hayley Daley, for fuck’s sake, so please cut me a little slack. None”
― Nick Spalding, Bricking It

“I am to building what Ed Miliband is to male modelling. Hayley’s”
― Nick Spalding, Bricking It

“You see? I don’t need to be high as a kite to be paranoid. Of”
― Nick Spalding, Bricking It

“There’s nothing like falling through a loft to really help your cardio programme.’ Hayley”
― Nick Spalding, Bricking It

“about as much use as a fart in a hurricane.”
― Nick Spalding, Bricking It

“Hayley tuts. ‘You’re such a softie,’ she tells me, before stepping forward and pointing a finger at the cow. ‘You!’ she snaps at it. ‘Fuck off!’ Her finger quickly points away from the house. ‘Oh yeah, that’ll do it,’ I say in a flat tone. ‘Nothing like a bit of insulting language to get a cow to do what you want. Why not call her a fat bitch while you’re at it?”
― Nick Spalding, Bricking It

“If we hire this maniac, and his architectural skills are on a par with his dress sense, our farmhouse will end up painted bright orange and thatched with pubic hair.”
― Nick Spalding, Bricking It

“Fred folds his arms. ‘Okay, I get you. This always happens on a job. I once had a seventy-five-year-old grandmother of six up on a ladder doing a little light plastering before her hip gave out.’ ‘Well, there you go then! If you got her working, you can give me something to do as well!’ Fred’s eyebrow arches. ‘The old dear was in hospital for a week. You should have seen the paperwork I had to fill out.”
― Nick Spalding, Bricking It