Sexy Liberal! Quotes

“There were two important lessons I learned from Dad’s 1964 campaign, though they didn’t sink in until many years later:        1)  Things always look darkest just before it goes completely black        2)  Somewhere when God shuts a door, he shuts a window too. And then you’re totally fucked.”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“If you’re offended by crass, tasteless, scatological humor, scrawled on a Chardonnay-soaked cocktail napkin, then bite me, you oversensitive prude. If not, step up to the bar, baby! You’ve got my number.”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“There is absolutely nothing in life that can’t be achieved if you have the right amount to drink.”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“I am not a drunk, nor should you be. However, drinking is something else again. Drinking is what smart, sexy, sophisticated people do to forget that when they’re not drunk, they’re dumb, homely, and clumsy.”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“The biggest lie he told was in 1994, before he was re-elected to a second term. Remember that MTV forum where a kid asked him, “boxers or briefs?” The President of the United States gave his sheepish answer and I remember thinking, “Briefs, my ASS! You always go commando, Bubba! Who do you think you’re kidding?” The American people aren’t that stupid.”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“Buchanan was always a pit bull, since his days as Nixon’s speechwriter. Predictably, he used this high-profile moment to try and turn the clock backwards rather than “THINKING ABOUT TOMORROW” as Bill and the Democrats had left us all singing after their convention. But no one quite expected the bile that spewed from Buchanan’s mouth. He was Fox News before there was a Fox News.”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“I thought it was a nice touch for a misogynist clansman to wish me a merry Christmas. I’m sure he meant a white Christmas.”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“Since it was technically a death threat, we sent the letter to the FBI, who helpfully advised me that my call to him was what they refer to in law enforcement circles as “unwise.”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“I know my vagina has magical superpowers;”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“I, for one, have never had sex in a public place. This is largely because I rarely have sex in private places, so the idea has never even occurred to me.”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“Though my memory is hazy, I’m pretty sure our high school mascot was a giant Gennesee cream ale empty.”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“When I last gave a blood sample, the lab technician asked me if it was oaked or un-oaked, then they swirled around the vial and sniffed.”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“There are some wine aisles in the wine store I can’t even afford to enter. They might as well be roped off with a bouncer. “Oh, that’s the Diane Sawyer aisle. You can’t go in there.”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“People whose roommates sing “People” are the unluckiest people in the world.”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“You have to wonder about the hypocrisy of middle-aged right-wing radio guys screaming about the gays when they’ve decided to earn their living mouthing off into a phallus for three hours a day.”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“Somewhere when God shuts a door, he shuts a window too. And then you’re totally fucked.”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“When we say “Sexy Liberal” we aren’t talking about ourselves, we’re talking about you. Yes, YOU! Because being liberal is sexy. It means you’re open-minded, empathetic, compassionate—and an easy lay.”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“I put it to you, if liberals aren’t sexy, why does Viagra only come in BLUE?”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“There’s nothing erotic about screwing America.”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“The thing about being liberal is that no matter your race, religion, sexual orientation, income level, you’re always welcome in another liberal’s pants.”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing

“a bipartisan unicorn just farted glitter”
― Stephanie Miller, Sexy Liberal!: Of Me I Sing