The Story of God Quotes

“Existing outside time and space, as God obviously did, he had a perfect understanding of human illness. With regard to leprosy, God advised Moses that the best treatment was to kill a bird and sprinkle its blood on the leper. (Lev. 14:5–7)”
― Chris Matheson, The Story of God: A Biblical Comedy about Love

“Even after God’s astonishing “Five point plan” to quell the rebellion: (1) Appear as a cloud and cause old men to speak gibberish; (2) Blow bad birdmeat into camp to poison people; (3) Use the Amalekites to kick his people’s asses; (4) Open the earth to swallow rebel leaders and their families; (5) Fireblast two hundred others—the griping continued. The people still complained about Moses’ leadership,”
― Chris Matheson, The Story of God: A Biblical Comedy about Love

“Lot tried to calm the mob by offering them his two virgin daughters for what would much later be crudely referred to as a “gangbang.” (Gen. 19:8)”
― Chris Matheson, The Story of God: A Biblical Comedy about Love

“I made him in my likeness and he has bad character. It makes no sense.” God muttered to himself.”
― Chris Matheson, The Story of God: A Biblical Comedy about Love [and Hate]