Coming Out Like a Porn Star Quotes

“The funny thing about coming out is that it relies on the belief that the information you're keeping about yourself is shameful. If you were raised to be somewhat shameless, it's less of a one-time shock and more like a lifelong rumble.”
― Courtney Trouble, Coming Out Like a Porn Star: Essays on Pornography, Protection, and Privacy

“Porn exists in a kind of parallel universe, a shadowy underground. When you force something—anything—into the shadows and underground, you make it easier for bad things to happen, and you make it a lot harder for good things to happen.”
― Cindy Gallop, Coming Out Like a Porn Star: Essays on Pornography, Protection, and Privacy

“The thing is, I don't really have any coming-out narratives of my own. I never felt as though anyone was entitles to a red-carpet presentation of who I am and how I identify. When I initially found myself attracted to women in college, for example, I simply showed up at the next family function with my first girlfriend in tow and introduced her as such. I didn't call each family member ahead of time and instruct them to brace themselves, nor did I write lengthy letters detailing the intricacies of my new desires. Likewise, when I'm meeting people for the first time at parties or other social engagements and they post the inevitable, "So what do you do?" I respond as routinely as possible: "Oh, I work in the sex industry. You?"
I'm not trying to be provocative; rather, I've always believed that being "out" is the most powerful tool of activism available to disadvantaged minority communities, sex workers included, I find that when you approach a supposedly radical issue (queerness, nonmonogamy, atheism, gender nonconformity) with the same nonchalance as you would a less controversial topic (accounting, marriage, the weather), you give the other party permission to treat it with the same accepting ambivalence. We're pack animals, and we're constantly comparing ourselves to one another. We look for approval from our peers, and in many cases we use their reactions and opinions to help guide our own. I often observe people, who I've just disclosed to, pause to shift their eyes and gauge the receptiveness of those around them before responding. It'd be a fascinating study if it weren't so disheartening.”
― Andre Shakti, Coming Out Like a Porn Star: Essays on Pornography, Protection, and Privacy

“I think these things are very much worth fighting, but I've always expected the government and society at large to try to hurt me. By definition and action they stand against everything I believe in: joy, freedom, self-expression, nurturance, and care for each other and the earth.”
― Jiz Lee, Coming Out Like a Porn Star: Essays on Pornography, Protection, and Privacy

“Once I began to consider this process of coming in, I started to quietly shift my focus away from needing to be a palatable representation of a porn performer to those on the outside. I became less available for the labor of answering countless repetitive and stigmatic questions about my work. I began to devote energy to contributing to the community of my colleagues and allies to make coming in a more active and accessible process for all of us I helped to cultivate peer support networks and worked to uplift the work of my colleagues. I started to care a lot less about how people responded to what I entered as my occupation on forms. Sometimes I'd even declared it in a completely matter-of-fact, almost deadpan way. I told my osteopath, "I'm a sex worker," and that's all I told him, and I chose not to own any of his discomfort.”
― Gala Vanting, Coming Out Like a Porn Star: Essays on Pornography, Protection, and Privacy

“My father told me that he often goes on walks with his friend. They've established a routine where on person talks for five minutes and the other listens. There are no interruptions and no responses.
"I actually told him that," my father said. "I said, you know, 'My son works in the porn industry.' He was going to react, but I said, 'Uh uh. It's not your turn.' That was pretty cool because I didn't want to have to defend or anything, I said to him afterward, 'This is something I wanted you to hear. But I don't want your comment.' I don't."
It may not have been a boastful act, but it made me happy to hear that my father wanted to share such a thing about me. In fact, I could interpret it to be quite the opposite.”
― Christopher Zeischegg, Coming Out Like a Porn Star: Essays on Pornography, Protection, and Privacy

“So what do you do?" There it was. I was so comfortable that I forgot this stranger had no idea what my job was. Whenever I get asked the work question, I pause to assess the situation. A few checks I go through before making my decision to either answer, avoid the question, or stretch the truth are: (1) Does this person feel safe enough to disclose to without there being excessive discomfort or conflict? (2) Am I emotionally prepared to handle discomfort or conflict if they happen? And (3) Do I have an escape route if things end up not going well?”
― Harley Hex, Coming Out Like a Porn Star: Essays on Pornography, Protection, and Privacy

“As for my father, we never did talk about the things my sister told him. But several years later, when I was at the peak of my media fame, my father, who had been living alone since my mother left him, caught me on one of the many TV talk shows I had appeared on. We spoke a bit about my work, which was unusual because my father and I never discussed anything to do with sex, and that included the work I did. Feeling a bit awkward, I told him, "I feel a little funny talking about this with you, Dad." To which he replied, "You have nothing to feel bad about. With all the things people do in this world —politicians lying to everyone, corporations cheating people, people hurting and killing each other—all you're doing is bringing pleasure to people's lives."
I can't tell you how much this meant to me, but I'm sure you can imagine.”
― Candida Royalle, Coming Out Like a Porn Star: Essays on Pornography, Protection, and Privacy

“Any true expression of freedom is by definition an expression of rebellion. No matter what you do in life or what path you take, if you continue to follow your one true path, there will be those who will try to enslave you, to bring you back into the fold of doing what they think you should do.”
― Anna Cherry, Coming Out Like a Porn Star: Essays on Pornography, Protection, and Privacy

“Because being out does not mean that you are invited to dissect our lives to satisfy your own curiosity.
Sex workers are not on call for your university assignment. Our bodies are not open slabs for you to project your opinions, voice your concerns, open up and extract information: Certainly this has been the hobby of the medical profession, rescue NGOs, and governments.”
― Zahra Stardust, Coming Out Like a Porn Star: Essays on Pornography, Protection, and Privacy