Fashionably Dead in Diapers Quotes

“Maybe after I saved everyone we could all take a ride on the fucking Ferris wheel…Fuck was now added to my vocabulary. It was an outstanding word that could basically mean just about anything. It could be used as a noun, verb and adverb. It rolled off the tongue with ease and even if you spoke a foreign language it was difficult not to understand fuck off or off you fuck or fuck you.”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“Samuel," I said sternly. "You just said some really shitty words. We do not fucking speak like that in this house. Do you understand Mommy?" Samuel giggled hysterically and flipped”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“Ethan chuckled and pulled his child close. "However, it might be nice if you gave your Uncle Satan blue skin tomorrow. He would love that."
The gasps in the room were hilarious. My Vampyre was evil to the core…I bit my lip to keep from screaming or laughing. Satan would look awesome as a Smurf. I needed to make sure my phone was charged so I could get some good blackmail shots.”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“Hooters McHoulihan, let's get the fuck out of here. This G-string is so far up my ass, it's making my brain hurt," Jane grumbled”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“Sammy is Upoopia!" my baby shouted and clapped his hands, instantly bringing all the furniture in the room to life. Couches and chairs upended their occupants and began to dance around the room recklessly.
"Outstanding," Satan yelled as he tangoed with a chaise. "My great nephew is tremendous".”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“Do you think five babysitters will be sufficient?" Ethan inquired sardonically.
"No, but I'm willing to leave the compound without panties if we can make that happen."
"I'm on it," he said as he quickly began texting our gaggle of sitters”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“Then I will skin it and suck all the blood out of it unless it's a Troll. Trolls taste like ass. We tried two of the randy bastards just to make sure and we will not be imbibing Troll again any time soon,”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“Samuel," I said sternly. "You just said some really shitty words. We do not fucking speak like that in this house. Do you understand Mommy?”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“Astrid Porter, I have loved you from the moment I saw you. You are the most beautiful and courageous woman I have ever known. I have waited for you longer than you can comprehend.”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“Well," Martha started slowly. "Those fucker Fairies tried to take the baby. We love that wild little thing more than our own lives so Jane here bit the son of a bitch so hard in the ass that her fangs got stuck. He tried to shake her off, but she didn't budge. You should have seen it. That asshat was twerking he was in so much pain. Jane was flopping around like a ragdoll, but she wasn't gonna let go for nothing. I have false teeth so that wouldn't have worked out for me.”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“language. This will ensure that they can politely ignore the old bastards.”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“Teaching your child to respect his elders is important. The elderly have earned our courtesy and regard. However, if the elder is an asshole, simply teach your child to pretend he is from a foreign country and does not speak the”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“Weird was my new normal. Fucking awesome.”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“You just said some really shitty words. We do not fucking speak like that in this house. Do you understand Mommy?" Samuel giggled hysterically and flipped me off.”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“purple skin. Strangely the Baby Demons were red like they always were and pouted loudly at the unfairness. They were lobbying for yellow. However, Mother Nature won the prize…she was full on rainbow and was not pleased.”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“Satan was blue and Grandpa was orange. The Angel of Death, Hayden, and his mate Dixie were a lovely teal. Elijah, the Angel of Light and the woman he wanted to be his mate, Lucy, were lime green. Pam and Ethan's father, the King, were a hot pink, but The Kev and Gemma were the worst—they sported neon”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“There was a picnic in Pompeii…" "Fuck." Not even remotely funny. "Exactly. Of course I wasn't there, but the story is quite colorful. Your uncles, God and Satan, got in a fistfight over Eve who was still with Adam at that point. No one liked the cake Mother Nature brought. Your grandfather didn't realize Mother Nature—his wife—would be there and brought a few girlfriends. The Seven Deadly Sins were PMSing.”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“Samuel giggled hysterically and flipped me off.”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“You just said some really shitty words. We do not fucking speak like that in this house. Do you understand Mommy?”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“He was hotter than heck and made the blond dude from True Blood look like a weenie.”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers

“That was a really good question. A question I had no answer to, but not knowing the answer had never stopped me before…”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead in Diapers