Did You Read That Review? Quotes

“On the first day, God created David Hasselhoff”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005. I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking, delicious-tasting HELLBEARS”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“I was going to fund my daughters wedding in Hawaii, but I figured this Samsung TV would last much longer.”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“Inflatable Unicorn Horn for Cats”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“Name: Elegante Fixed-Frame Screen (Old Version) ASIN: B000W6IE0A Price: $9,525,930,932,505,110.00”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“My twelve year-old niece asked for the Justin Bieber CD for Christmas, so I bought her this yodeling pickle. Nobody so far can tell the difference.”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“Name: Playmobil Security Check Point ASIN: B0002CYTL2 Price: $498.97”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“I had it in my hip pocket, then I fell down. When I got up, I was dead. Other than that, it’s OK.”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“It’s a great knife, it’s just that the toothpick is in the center of the knife, so when you use it, it looks like you’re playing some kinda ****ed-up harmonica.”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“My twelve year-old niece asked for the Justin Bieber CD for Christmas, so I bought her this yodeling pickle. Nobody so far can tell the difference”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“I usually don’t drop $112,750.00 on a watch”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“When a burglar came to my house I was tempted to reach for the butcher knife in the kitchen, but instead I grabbed the 571 Banana Slicer. I told the burglar, “I’m gonna slice your nanner,” and he ran in a terrible fright. Thank you 571 Banana Slicer for saving my home and possibly my life.”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“Do NOT eat too much of this stuff at once. I had the rainbow runs for a week. The entire complex smelled like hopes and dreams.”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“a $25 gift card to Barnes & Noble (I mean, what even is that? It sounds like a cheap law firm),”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“I bought this milk a few days ago; it arrived today, and when I opened it, it was a literal explosion of rainbows and kittens. No cows could have made this milk. No, I suspect unicorns.”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“I live near a park and frequently walk around the local area. Given the amount of dog mess that is on the pavements, I thought this book would be the ideal read to stop me from having to scrape my shoes on the grass before going home. It was only after it arrived that I looked closely at the title and realized it said How to Avoid Huge SHIPS. A simple error that means I am still treading on massive examples of canine excrement. Having said that, I read the book anyway, and I’m pleased to say I’m not even having near misses with huge ships anymore. No sir, they ain’t getting anywhere near me!”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“I hate this thing. I’ve been using it for a while, but the other day I had to make an illegal U-turn and it knocked me out when it slapped me across the face. I just ended up giving it to my sister.”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“Adding this desk to my car’s steering wheel has been baby-Jesus awesome. I love e-mailing the highway patrol while I drive to let them know the tag numbers of cell-phone-using drivers. Lordy!”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“My copilot and I both used these during our “daily grind” transcontinental flights from San Diego to Minneapolis. We had to modify them a bit to fit snug against the instrument panels (when we bought them we didn’t realize the planes we fly don’t have steering wheels!), but in the end it did the job. With our laptops firmly in place we were able to focus our attention on what really mattered, participating in raids with our WoW clan. During our last flight we were so immersed in trying to take down Eranikus that we overshot Minneapolis by a full hour and a half before some annoying flight attendant interrupted us, babbling something about “FAA and F-16 fighters.” We’ll definitely use this product again at our next gig, whatever and whenever that happens to be…Highly recommended!”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“By Sadie, January 15, 2012 My twelve year-old niece asked for the Justin Bieber CD for Christmas, so I bought her this yodeling pickle. Nobody so far can tell the difference.”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“Look at the fat lady the size of a solar system!”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“After Brad got me this set, I realized that they were a bit TOO true to life. The Kirk shaker kept wandering off in search of “lady shakers,” insisting his salt crystals were real dilithium. I’d have recommended this as a great Father’s Day gift, but I noticed over time that the body of the shaker droops, and the uniform now seems, well, a bit snug. I also was disappointed to learn that the hairpiece does NOT come off as expected. One star off my marks for that. Plus, the Spock shaker kept trying to rescue the Kirk shaker, even after it crawled in the microwave and was irradiated beyond repair. And while Spock’s magnetic pull with Kirk is strong, it seems to much prefer the Uhura unit. I literally had to pry them apart, admonishing, “Alright, you’ve pon far enough.” This incident also made me realize that I must be in the alternate tableware timeline.”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“Spock & Captain Kirk Salt and Pepper Shaker Set”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“Like many suburban homeowners, I like to kill and eat the wild animals that populate my backyard. To keep it sporting, I hunt naked, with my teeth and long, sharpened fingernails as my only weapons. I’ve feasted on squirrel, raccoon, vole, and numerous songbirds. But no matter how long I lay spread-eagle and motionless in the hot noonday sun, I have never been able to outwit and catch any of the plump and juicy rabbits that hop just outside my reach and then bolt for the woods when I leap forward with a blood-curdling shriek. I have chased them at a dead run through the yards of the many unoccupied homes that surround mine, but the pursuit always ends in frustration. But no more, thanks to Amazon. Every week, I order a fresh whole rabbit and affix it to a remote control car that is operated by one of my children. This way, I get the thrill of the hunt, and when the car’s batteries are exhausted, I can leap upon it, bury my teeth into the rabbit’s soft flesh, and perform my ritual victory dance right there in the Walgreens parking lot.”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“Brad and I were very excited to order a few of these delectable beauties in order to reenact the skinning and spitting-over-an-open-fire scene from Game of Thrones. Now, I hate to split hares, but…first of all, it is NOT at all as easy as it looks in that scene. Meera and Osha made it look so simple. But both Brad and my pulling together couldn’t get that damn skin off. The rabbit wound up looking more like Theon Greyjoy’s finger than a rabbit. Second, apparently you cannot light an open fire in your backyard in Los Angeles. No one told us that. Thanks, LAFD, for understanding. Third, it pretty much tastes like chicken.”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“Fresh Whole Rabbit”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“By Donald, August 9, 2013 I ordered the Zorb ball and was excited to have it delivered. I have to admit my disappointment as there was no giant-sized golf club to go with it. Will there be one added soon? Also, I need someone to let me know of the location of any oversized golf courses in the Western United States.”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“Living in a tiny city centre apartment, I always found it difficult to store toast in a way which maximized space utilisation. I previously took to storing toast in a bag outside my window, but then, I found inflatable toast. This has changed my life for the better. Now, when I need toast, I simply inflate it and—voila—there it is! And when I have finished? I can deflate it and store it next to my inflatable tea, inflatable croissants, and inflatable jalfrezi. Frankly, I’m astonished this invention wasn’t brought to market sooner.”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“I was kinda iffy about buying this watch. I’ve been trying to buy my parents a home for the last few months, so it was a tough call. After lots of thinking, I figured having a $112k watch (on sale from $205k, what a steal!) would be a better investment. After all, real estate is pretty scary. At first my parents were really mad. The second they saw this 8th wonder of the world, they understood. My parents said they were cool with living in the shelter or on the street just as long as they could keep a photo of the watch. I told them sure, for 10 bucks. (Paid for the shipping!) I’m also trying to make a career change and figured this watch would”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

“This is by far the most superior inflatable toast product on the market. HOWEVER, please note that this is NOT a life-saving, personal flotation device. The owner’s manual does not make this distinction. RIP, Grandma.”
― Amazon Reviewers, Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews