Uniquely Human Quotes

“But discouraging an enthusiasm can be just another way of dismantling a strategy that helps a child with autism feel better regulated—or, worse, removing a source of interest and joy.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“Difficulty staying well regulated emotionally and physiologically should be a core, defining feature of autism. Unfortunately professionals have long overlooked this, focusing on the resulting behaviors instead of the underlying causes.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“Derek’s reaction highlights a central challenge of autism: for the vast majority of people on the spectrum, autism can be best understood as a disability of trust. Because of their neurological challenges, people with autism face tremendous obstacles of three kinds: trusting their body, trusting the world around them, and—most challenging of all—trusting other people.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“Her moment of restraint was emblematic of an important idea: Instead of trying to change how a person with autism reacts to us, we need to pay close attention to how we react to the person.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“Autism isn’t an illness. It’s a different way of being human.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“Indeed many children with autism regulate themselves by trying to control their surroundings—by seeking sameness. That isn’t a pathological symptom. It’s a coping strategy.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“The most significant trust-related challenge for people with autism is trusting other people. Most of us are neurologically hardwired with the ability to predict the behavior of others—to read body language intuitively and make subconscious judgments based on how relaxed a person’s body is, on how a person looks at other people, or by the social context. But that is often more difficult for people with autism. Ros Blackburn explains that she lives every day trying to understand people’s intentions when they approach her. “Because I find it so difficult to predict the behavior of other people,” Ros explains, “what they do often comes across as very sudden and threatening to me.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“Still, some parents and professionals view these interests as yet another undesirable symptom of autism, one that makes it even more difficult for the child to fit in. Often their instinct is to discourage the child, to redirect his attention and suggest interests that are more socially acceptable and conventional. But discouraging an enthusiasm can be just another way of dismantling a strategy that helps a child with autism feel better regulated—or, worse, removing a source of interest and joy. A more helpful approach is to do as Jessy Park’s parents did and use the enthusiasm as a way to expand the child’s outlook and improve the child’s life.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“Some people with autism not only repeat themselves but dominate conversations, sharing great amounts of information about a favorite topic (say, geography or trains) without considering the other person’s thoughts, feelings, or interests. This too can be a sign of dysregulation. For a person with a poor grasp of social cues who finds the unpredictability of typical conversation stressful, speaking incessantly on a familiar and beloved topic might provide a sense of control.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“The opposite of anxiety isn’t calm, it’s trust.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“Instead of trying to change how a person with autism reacts to us, we need to pay close attention to how we react to the person.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“Allen had an aide who hovered within inches of his face and physically prompted him so frequently that her very proximity became a dysregulating factor. As time passed, Allen became more and more agitated—mostly because of the aide’s behavior. Some adults who work with children have the misguided concept that to be effective, it’s best to be in the child’s face, even to give positive support. But for a child with autism who has social anxiety and sensory challenges, that can be scary and intimidating. It can also impede progress.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“While a 2013 study found that, over time, a very small percentage of children experienced such improvements in symptoms that they no longer fit the DSM autism diagnosis, the study found no way to predict which children would show such gains, or why.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“Anyone who has spent time with a verbal person with autism is familiar with this tendency to repeat words, phrases, or whole sentences, often ad infinitum. Indeed echolalia is one of autism’s defining characteristics. In children who can speak it is often among the first indications to parents that something is amiss in a child, when, instead of responding or initiating with the child’s own language, the child echoes words or phrases borrowed from others.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“Many people with autism find it helpful to bring a toy or other item or an activity related to an enthusiasm to settings that may pose difficulties, such as restaurants, family events, or larger group activities at school.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“Seeking to eliminate behavior without fully understanding its purpose is not only unhelpful; it also shows a lack of respect for the individual. Worse, it can make life more difficult for the person with autism.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“Consider Ricky, a teenage boy with autism who was a talented pianist. Ricky once volunteered to entertain the residents of an assisted-living center. He had never visited such a facility, but his parents told him what a lovely, caring gesture it would be. They also informed him that some of the elderly people he would see had terminal illnesses and other challenges, so surely his music would help to lift their spirits. On the day of his performance, a few dozen residents gathered in a recreation room to listen. Before he sat down to play, Ricky introduced himself, said how happy he was to be there, and added this: “I’m very sorry that some of you are going to die soon.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“Brain research shows that the brain processes emotional memories in the amygdala, part of the limbic system that is responsible for functions of memory and emotion. Situations that remind a person of traumatic events can trigger the release of stress hormones. This overactivates the amygdala, which sets off the release of still more of the hormones. The result: severe emotional distress in the form of racing thoughts, anger, and hypervigilance beyond a person’s control or even conscious awareness.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“There are differences between negative emotional memories and PTSD, but there is also overlap. PTSD is diagnosed when memories are persistently intrusive or incapacitating.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“For autistic individuals, emotional memory responses are visceral and primal. Often they have limited ability to reason through a situation, to remind themselves that just because something happened once doesn’t mean it will happen again. Another child would probably be able to place the experience in context:”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“When we think about memory, we often think of facts—objective, neutral information about experiences we have had, people we have met or know about, or places we have been. Beyond the facts, though, we have memories of our feelings about things. In our minds we subconsciously tag memories with certain emotions: happy, sad, painful, frustrating, joyous, stressful, traumatic.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“Too often those who work with autistic people—as well as some parents—pay excessive attention to what is going wrong, what is challenging and difficult. It’s hard to trust a person who consistently responds to you with prohibitions, negative comments and criticism or who is constantly trying to change or fix you. Life is challenging enough without being reminded what you can’t do or what you do wrong. When we focus on successes, we build self-esteem and enhance the person’s ability to trust us, others, and the world.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“By persistently giving the message “You must change,” we are inadvertently communicating “You’re not getting it right. You’re screwing up.” Thus we quash self-esteem and, ultimately, trust. The child cannot trust other people to offer understanding and support. The child cannot trust that the world is a safe place—or the autistic adult may feel she is not respected and is being treated like a young child. As a result, anxiety, and in some cases anger, mounts.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“What I have learned from my years of experience, and from valued friends on the spectrum, is that rather than demanding or pressuring an autistic person to change, we must change first. When we change in a manner that provides appropriate support, the autistic person changes too, due to a growing foundation of trust.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“A child might feel uncomfortable and anxious in social situations, unable to predict what another person might say or ask of him. But when he fills the silence with lengthy monologues about his area of interest, he feels that he has some control. Speaking wards off anxiety about the unknown and stifles the unpredictability of open-ended conversation. While some children react to anxiety with excessive talking, others retreat into the protection of silence.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“But his behavior made sense: on a very primal level, he was trying to stay safe. To help him, I suggested that his teacher give Jeremy a sense of control by spending time with pretend, paper butterflies, allowing them to “fly” close and then having Jeremy wave them off, saying, “Bye-bye butterflies!” He also spent time looking through books about butterflies to understand that they are harmless. This reframing over time helped him overcome his anxiety.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“Why would a child be afraid of butterflies, creatures most children find beautiful and fascinating? They don’t bite or sting or even make a sound. What scared Jeremy was that they were out of his control: he couldn’t predict what they would do. Maybe he had once had a butterfly land on his arm or face, frightening him, and he hadn’t been able to shoo it away. He didn’t understand butterflies. They seemed to emerge from nowhere, whiz by unpredictably, and surprise him.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“The source of anxiety doesn’t have to be a lion or a fire or a man with a gun. When trust is broken, when the order a person depends on is breached, that triggers fear.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“Being in a low state of arousal is like walking around in a nonfocused, drowsy condition. Professionals refer to these individuals as having a “low arousal bias.” Because they display fewer problem behaviors, they appear to be better regulated and are often thought of as being “good kids” or “not a problem” because they appear so well-behaved. Does that mean they don’t experience anxiety? Not necessarily. When they feel dysregulated, these individuals tend to internalize their anxiety rather than directing their behavior outward. The anxious feelings build over time, with few observable, or only very subtle, signs of anxiety or dysregulation, so outbursts or meltdowns can be difficult to predict.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

“Imagine going through life in that heightened, hypervigilant state of alert, wary of every person, every object. If your neurological system is constantly on heightened alert, how can you pay attention to anything else? It’s exhausting. It becomes difficult to function. All of your energy is focused on merely keeping your defenses up.”
― Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism