Rethinking Narcissism Quotes

“Remind yourself: You have a right to your disappointment. If you share your needs and feelings and it actually drives the person away, then you can’t be happy in the relationship. The solution isn’t to slide down the spectrum and become Echo. Recognize self-blame for what it is: a powerful fear that you’ll lose love if you ask for what you want. It keeps you stuck in the wrong relationship, with someone who needs you to bury your needs.”
― Craig Malkin, Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists

“Secure love provides protection against many of the world’s psychological dangers. It makes people more likely to admit their mistakes and apologize for them, and feel freer to share who they are. They’ve learned...that the people who love them can be trusted to accept them, flaws and all. That’s what secure love is: the faith that we can safely depend on other people.”
― Craig Malkin, Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists

“Chronic self-blamers bury their disappointment because, in the past, voicing it might have made things worse. For many people, the fallout from daring to tell their family That hurt my feelings or I really wanted you at my recital would have been too great.”
― Craig Malkin, Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists

“rage makes narcissists of us all.”
― Craig Malkin, Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad—and Surprising Good—About Feeling Special

“Authoritative parenting strategies all share one thing in common: they teach children to consider their impact on the people around them.”
― Craig Malkin, Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists

“Maybe it’s easier to tell yourself you’re the problem than to accept the possibility he won’t change.”
― Craig Malkin, Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists

“I don’t know—I’m afraid it’ll drive them away. I don’t want them to think I can’t handle myself. I don’t want them to think I’m needy.”
― Craig Malkin, Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists

“Firm empathy is deeply caring. It’s important to recognize—and hear—when your child’s afraid. But to work around their fears, to avoid further upset, guarantees they’ll live a life of fear. While it’s tempting to do this sometimes, we have to recognize that when we do, we’re not really taking care of our children but ourselves. And that’s another path to narcissistic addiction.”
― Craig Malkin, Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists

“Alternatively—and paradoxically—subtle echoists can suddenly become clingy and inconsolable. The easiest way to get rid of need, after all, is to get it met immediately, without delay. For people who dread needing anything from anyone, a sudden surge in their desire for support or understanding or even comfort can be frightening, driving them into chaotic efforts to feel better.”
― Craig Malkin, Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists