The Upside of Stress Quotes

“Stress happens when something you care about is at stake. It's not a sign to run away - it's a sign to step forward.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“Everyone has an Everest. Whether it’s a climb you chose, or a circumstance you find yourself in, you’re in the middle of an important journey. Can you imagine a climber scaling the wall of ice at Everest’s Lhotse Face and saying, “This is such a hassle”? Or spending the first night in the mountain’s “death zone” and thinking, “I don’t need this stress”? The climber knows the context of his stress. It has personal meaning to him; he has chosen it. You are most liable to feel like a victim of the stress in your life when you forget the context the stress is unfolding in. “Just another cold, dark night on the side of Everest” is a way to remember the paradox of stress. The most meaningful challenges in your life will come with a few dark nights.
The biggest problem with trying to avoid stress is how it changes the way we view our lives, and ourselves. Anything in life that causes stress starts to look like a problem. If you experience stress at work, you think there’s something wrong with your job. If you experience stress in your marriage, you think there’s something wrong with your relationship. If you experience stress as a parent, you think there’s something wrong with your parenting (or your kids). If trying to make a change is stressful, you think there’s something wrong with your goal.
When you think life should be less stressful, feeling stressed can also seem like a sign that you are inadequate: If you were strong enough, smart enough, or good enough, then you wouldn’t be stressed. Stress becomes a sign of personal failure rather than evidence that you are human. This kind of thinking explains, in part, why viewing stress as harmful increases the risk of depression. When you’re in this mindset, you’re more likely to feel overwhelmed and hopeless.
Choosing to see the connection between stress and meaning can free you from the nagging sense that there is something wrong with your life or that you are inadequate to the challenges you face. Even if not every frustrating moment feels full of purpose, stress and meaning are inextricably connected in the larger context of your life. When you take this view, life doesn’t become less stressful, but it can become more meaningful.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“Feeling burdened rather than uplifted by everyday duties is more a mindset than a measure of what is going on in your life.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“Stress and meaning are inextricably linked. You don’t stress out about things you don’t care about, and you can’t create a meaningful life without experiencing some stress.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“Stress is what arises when something you care about is at stake.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“you choose to help others, you activate this state. Caring for others triggers the biology of courage and creates hope.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“Mindset 1: Stress Is Harmful. Experiencing stress depletes my health and vitality. Experiencing stress debilitates my performance and productivity. Experiencing stress inhibits my learning and growth. The effects of stress are negative and should be avoided. Mindset 2: Stress Is Enhancing. Experiencing stress enhances my performance and productivity. Experiencing stress improves my health and vitality. Experiencing stress facilitates my learning and growth. The effects of stress are positive and should be utilized.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You and How to Get Good at It

“Stress Helps You Learn and Grow”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“Even in circumstances of great suffering, human beings have a natural capacity to find hope, exert choice, and make meaning. This is why in our own lives, the most common effects of stress include strength, growth, and resilience.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“It turns out that how you think about stress is also one of those core beliefs that can affect your health, happiness, and success. As we’ll see, your stress mindset shapes everything from the emotions you feel during a stressful situation to the way you cope with stressful events. That, in turn, can determine whether you thrive under stress or end up burned out and depressed. The good news is, even if you are firmly convinced that stress is harmful, you can still cultivate a mindset that helps you thrive.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You and How to Get Good at It

“It turns out that people with a stress-is-enhancing mindset are more likely to be optimists, but the correlation is small. In addition to optimism, two other personality traits seem to be associated with a more positive view of stress: mindfulness and the ability to tolerate uncertainty.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“The stress response is more than a basic survival instinct. It is built into how humans operate, how we relate to one another, and how we navigate our place in the world. When you understand this, the stress response is no longer something to be feared.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You and How to Get Good at It

“When we reflect on our daily lives, we might look back at a day that was very stressful and think, “Well, that wasn’t my favorite day this week.” When you’re in the middle of one of those days, you might long for a day with less stress in it. But if you put a wider lens on your life and subtract every day that you have experienced as stressful, you won’t find yourself with an ideal life. Instead, you’ll find yourself also subtracting the experiences that have helped you grow, the challenges you are most proud of, and the relationships that define you. You may have spared yourself some discomfort, but you will also have robbed yourself of some meaning.
And yet, it’s not at all uncommon to wish for a life without stress. While this is a natural desire, pursuing it comes at a heavy cost. In fact, many of the negative outcomes we associate with stress may actually be the consequence of trying to avoid it. Psychologists have found that trying to avoid stress leads to a significantly reduced sense of well-being, life satisfaction, and happiness. Avoiding stress can also be isolating. In a study of students at Doshisha University in Japan, the goal to avoid stress predicted a drop, over time, in their sense of connection and belonging. Having such a goal can even exhaust you. For example, researchers at the University of Zurich asked students about their goals, then tracked them for one month. Across two typically stressful periods—end-of-semester exams and the winter holidays—those with the strongest desire to avoid stress were the most likely to report declines in concentration, physical energy, and self-control.
One particularly impressive study conducted through the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, in Palo Alto, California, followed more than one thousand adults for ten years. At the beginning of the study, researchers asked the participants about how they dealt with stress. Those who reported trying to avoid stress were more likely to become depressed over the following decade. They also experienced increasing conflict at work and at home, and more negative outcomes, such as being fired or getting divorced. Importantly, avoiding stress predicted the increase in depression, conflict, and negative events above and beyond any symptoms or difficulties reported at the beginning of the study. Wherever a participant started in life, the tendency to avoid stress made things worse over the next decade.
Psychologists call this vicious cycle stress generation. It’s the ironic consequence of trying to avoid stress: You end up creating more sources of stress while depleting the resources that should be supporting you. As the stress piles up, you become increasingly overwhelmed and isolated, and therefore even more likely to rely on avoidant coping strategies, like trying to steer clear of stressful situations or to escape your feelings with self-destructive distractions. The more firmly committed you are to avoiding stress, the more likely you are to find yourself in this downward spiral. As psychologists Richard Ryan, Veronika Huta, and Edward Deci write in The Exploration of Happiness, “The more directly one aims to maximize pleasure and avoid pain, the more likely one is to produce instead a life bereft of depth, meaning, and community.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“Stress may be a natural byproduct of pursuing difficult but important goals, but that doesn’t mean every stressful moment is rich in meaning. And yet even when the stress we’re under doesn’t seem inherently meaningful, it can trigger the desire to find meaning—if not in this moment, then in the broader context of our lives.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“We are used to believing that we need to change everything about our lives first, and then we will be happy, or healthy, or whatever it is we think we want to experience. The science of mindsets says we have it backward. Changing our minds can be a catalyst for all the other changes we want to make in our lives.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“I think this is one of the most promising aspects of mindset science. Once an idea takes root, you don’t have to work so hard at it. It’s not a conscious strategy you need to employ or an inner debate you need to have every day. After an initial introduction to a new mindset, it can take hold and flourish.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“They were also taught a three-step process for practicing the new mindset whenever they felt stressed. The first step is to acknowledge stress when you experience it. Simply allow yourself to notice the stress, including how it affects your body. The second step is to welcome the stress by recognizing that it’s a response to something you care about. Can you connect to the positive motivation behind the stress? What is at stake here, and why does it matter to you? The third step is to make use of the energy that stress gives you, instead of wasting that energy trying to manage your stress. What can you do right now that reflects your goals and values?”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“When you are feeling overwhelmed, look for a way to do something for someone else that goes beyond your daily responsibilities. Your brain might tell you that you don’t have the time or energy, but that is exactly why you should do it.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“Peope who want to feel more connected, supported, and cared about often believe they need to wait for someone else to come and offer those things first. One of the most helpful mindset shifts you can make is to view yourself as the source of whatever support you want to experience.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“Stress mindsets are powerful because they affect not just how you think but also how you act. When you view stress as harmful, it is something to be avoided. Feeling stressed becomes a signal to try to escape or reduce the stress. And indeed, people who endorse a stress-is-harmful mindset are more likely to say that they cope with stress by trying to avoid it. For example, they are more likely to: Try to distract themselves from the cause of the stress instead of dealing with it. Focus on getting rid of their feelings of stress instead of taking steps to address its source. Turn to alcohol or other substances or addictions to escape the stress. Withdraw their energy and attention from whatever relationship, role, or goal is causing the stress. In contrast, people who believe that stress can be helpful are more likely to say that they cope with stress proactively. For example, they are more likely to: Accept the fact that the stressful event has occurred and is real. Plan a strategy for dealing with the source of stress. Seek information, help, or advice. Take steps to overcome, remove, or change the source of stress. Try to make the best of the situation by viewing it in a more positive way or by using it as an opportunity to grow. These different ways of dealing with stress lead to very different outcomes.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“Restores nervous system balance Processes and integrates the experience Helps the brain learn and grow Even though your body is calming down, you still feel mentally charged. You replay or analyze the experience in your mind, or want to talk to others about it. A mix of emotions are usually present, along with a desire to make sense of what happened.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You and How to Get Good at It

“Those who believe that most people can be trusted tend to live longer.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“When Parker first started separating the young monkeys from their moms, she predicted that the early life stress would lead to emotional instability. But instead, the stress led to resilience. As they grew up, the monkeys who had experienced early life stress were less anxious than the more sheltered monkeys. They explored more in new environments and showed greater curiosity toward new objects—a young monkey’s version of courage. They were quicker to solve new mental challenges that the experimenters gave them. As juveniles—the equivalent of teenagers—the previously stressed monkeys even showed greater self-control. All of these effects lasted into adulthood. The early life stress had set the young monkeys on”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“When you feel your body responding to stress, ask yourself which part of the stress response you need most. Do you need to fight, escape, engage, connect, find meaning, or grow? Even if it feels like your stress response is pushing you in one direction, focusing on how you want to respond can shift your biology to support you. If there is a side of the stress response you would like to develop, consider what it would look like in any stressful situation you are dealing with now. What would someone who is good at that side of stress think, feel, or do? Is there any way to choose that response to stress right now?”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“Walton delivered a simple message: If you feel like you don’t belong, you aren’t alone. Most people feel that way in a new environment. Over time, this will change. Walton selected social belonging as his focus because he knew that the sense of not belonging—at school, at a workplace, or in any community that matters to you—is widespread. However, few people express it openly. Most people think they are the only ones who feel like they don’t fit in.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“The beliefs that become mindsets transcend preferences, learned facts, or intellectual opinions. They are core beliefs that reflect your philosophy of life.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“So as we begin this journey together, I offer this conception of stress: Stress is what arises when something you care about is at stake. This definition is big enough to hold both the frustration over traffic and the grief over a loss. It includes your thoughts, emotions, and physical reactions when you’re feeling stressed, as well as how you choose to cope with situations you’d describe as stressful. This definition also highlights an important truth about stress: Stress and meaning are inextricably linked. You don’t stress out about things you don’t care about, and you can’t create a meaningful life without experiencing some stress.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You and How to Get Good at It

“Take a few moments to list your most meaningful roles, relationships, activities, or goals. In what parts of your life are you most likely to experience joy, love, laughter, learning, or a sense of purpose? When you have listed a few, ask yourself this: Would you also describe any of them as sometimes or frequently stressful?

We often imagine how ideal it would be to get rid of the stress we experience at home, at work, and in pursuit of our goals. But that isn’t a realistic possibility. We don’t get to choose between a stress-full or a stress-free experience of family, work, community, love, learning, or health. If there is something in your life that is both meaningful and causing you a great deal of stress, take a few moments to write about why this role, relationship, activity, or goal is so important to you. You might also consider writing about what life would be like if you suddenly lost this source of meaning. How would you feel about the loss? Would you want it back in your life”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“it’s clear that stress may even contribute to well-being.
Stress may be a natural byproduct of pursuing difficult but important goals, but that doesn’t mean every stressful moment is rich in meaning. And yet even when the stress we’re under doesn’t seem inherently meaningful, it can trigger the desire to find meaning—if not in this moment, then in the broader context of our lives. Far from being a luxury, the ability to find meaning in our lives helps us stay motivated in the face of great difficulties. Human beings have an innate instinct and capacity to make sense out of their suffering. This instinct is even part of the biological stress response, often experienced as rumination, spiritual inquiry, and soul-searching. Stressful circumstances awaken this process in us. This is one more reason why a stressful life is often a meaningful life; stress challenges us to find the meaning in our lives.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

“Findings like this can help explain why stress is not always harmful for health and happiness—and why we should not fear leading stressful lives. When the most commonly reported sources of stress in people’s lives overlap with the greatest sources of meaning, it’s clear that stress may even contribute to well-being.”
― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It