Ridiculous Customer Complaints Quotes

“Skippy”
― David Loman, Ridiculous Customer Complaints

“Well you have to make sure. "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again”
― David Loman, Ridiculous Customer Complaints

“Yep, that's the sound a cow makes. The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.”
― David Loman, Ridiculous Customer Complaints

“Well when you put it like that. Part of a Flight Attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of us here at US Airways.”
― David Loman, Ridiculous Customer Complaints

“Dogfight at thirty five thousand feet. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a “Thanks for flying XYZ airline.” He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady, walking with a cane. She said, “Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?” “Why no Ma’am,” said the pilot, “what is it?” The little old lady said, “Did we land or were we shot down?”
― David Loman, Ridiculous Customer Complaints

“Choices, choices. From a Southwest Airlines employee…. “Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt, and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with two small children, decide now which one you love more. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.”
― David Loman, Ridiculous Customer Complaints

“Through the trap door. “Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately.”
― David Loman, Ridiculous Customer Complaints

“There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners now live abroad.”
― David Loman, Ridiculous Customer Complaints

“I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”
― David Loman, Ridiculous Customer Complaints

“A travel agent had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window.”
― David Loman, Ridiculous Customer Complaints