An Unwelcome Quest Quotes

“All of the worst books I ever read were published,”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“Saying you were going to be something isn’t the same as being that thing.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“The guard was clearly puzzled and was trying to solve the puzzle by the time-honored method of frowning about it.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“Unfortunately, human nature dictated that anything, no matter how pleasant it is, can become hateful if you feel you must do it. Just ask anyone who’s ever entered a pie-eating contest.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“See, kids, back in Phil’s and my day, if you made a good movie, you took that success and made a different movie, not the same movie over again.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“The wizards from the mid-1990s or later refused to discuss any movies at all for fear of letting slip any details of the Star Wars prequels or the fourth Indiana Jones, a group of works that the later wizards would only refer to by the collective title The Unpleasantness.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“It wasn’t that Gary wasn’t smart. His brain was as good as anyone’s. He just chose to use it sparingly.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“It's a spider!" Tyler yelling again. "What else can it do? Did you teach it kung fu?!"

Phillip leaned to Garry and said, "Ooh, a spider that knows kung fu. That'd actually be quite cool, wouldn't it? I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of an eight-legged roundhouse kick."

Gary said, "Nah, man. Aren't you listening? Spiders have two legs and six arms."

Jimmy said, "That's octopuses."

Gary rolled his eyes. "And octopuses are the spider of the sea. Come on, keep up, guys."

Jimmy was about to respond when he, Gary, and Philip became aware that both Tyler and Todd were staring at them.

"Sorry," Jimmy said. "We'll discuss this later. Please, continue bickering.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“The sound of Inchgower unzipping his fly in preparation for “the quench” was cartoonishly loud and out of place. “But he went to the trouble to dig up the sound of a fly unzipping,” Tyler whined. “That’s just great. Never mind that there’s no way a Dark Ages blacksmith would even have a zipper.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“I must say,” Brit shouted at Roy’s back. “I simply cannot wait to watch our strapping he-man champion engage in the gentlemanly art of fisticuffs with those ill-mannered poodles! I bet he’ll slap them silly until they apologize!”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“This plan is so idiotic, it kinda goes all the way around the horn to being smart.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“Killed fighting against a tired cliché. I guess there’s some satisfaction in that for a writer. Not as much as there’d be in defeating the cliché, but you can’t have everything.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“Trust is a person believing that someone won’t do any of the thousands of awful things that any of us can do to each other.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“protecting himself from the intense heat via the time-honored method of squinting, panting, and saying “hot hot hot hot hot” as quickly as he could.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“Gwen said, “Wow.” Martin swelled a bit with pride. Gwen continued. “Those wolves seemed really easy to kill.” Martin deflated. “Well, maybe I made it look easy.” “Maybe,” Roy said. “It could be we were dazzled by your battle cry, ‘ai-yi-yi.’ ” “I did not yell ‘ai-yi-yi,’ did I?” Martin asked. Roy said, “You did, but I’m not surprised you didn’t notice it, what with you being in a berserker rage and all.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“A film festival, during which all three Star Wars prequels and the fourth Indiana Jones movie were all screened back to back, in the name of getting it over with.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“The spider was a little over ten feet tall and at least thirty feet across, with long, spindly legs and a body covered with thick black fur. It cast away the roof of its burrow as easily as a man in a sauna casts off his towel, and like the other men in the sauna, the wizards instantly wished it hadn’t.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“At this point in history, people didn’t know how to react to “Eddie, the mysterious wizard from the Orient.” They already had difficulty dealing with Eddie’s thick New Jersey accent.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“Like many middle-aged men, Todd was dressing like he thought cool young people dressed. That’s why cool young people change their looks so often. Because if they don’t, they’ll eventually end up dressing like an aging dork.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“Milburn the Mad and his vile viceroy took the canary to Castle Cragganmore. It appears our author is agog for alliteration.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“You’re taking off your pants. As long as you end up not wearing pants, you can’t be doing it wrong.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“Well, he’s gonna get himself something”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“It’s not that he doesn’t respect you. He just respects you wrong.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“Look. Don’t suck up to them or anything. It’ll just seem insincere. Give them credit where it’s due. Don’t compliment them for no reason. Just try to stop insulting them for no reason.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“human nature dictated that anything, no matter how pleasant it is, can become hateful if you feel you must do it.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“there are only three ways this can play out. Either she’ll come around, you’ll decide you’re fine with the situation as it is, or the two of you will break up. Any of those qualify as it having worked out.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“Take a good look, guys,” Tyler said. “We’re the first people in history to ever see a spider’s skeleton, because they don’t exist! Hear that, Todd?!”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“Centuries earlier, in Medieval England, it was movie night for the wizards, which was just as confusing as it sounds.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“There are some mistakes you can never make up for. There are things you do wrong that you can never make right. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. You should, but if it becomes clear that you won’t succeed, drop it. To force the issue just tortures the people you wronged in the first place. Once you’ve made your feelings clear, it’s better to leave and get on with your life.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest

“Eventually, the wizards started sharing information freely, even arranging a film festival, during which all three Star Wars prequels and the fourth Indiana Jones movie were all screened back to back, in the name of getting it over with.”
― Scott Meyer, An Unwelcome Quest