Underwood, Scotch, and Wry Quotes

“I take many things seriously. Rudyard Kipling, Harper Lee, Oscar Wilde, and Elmore Leonard are all held in the highest regard. I am dead serious when I discuss the many reasons that Ernest Hemingway’s greatest contribution to literature was his generous decision to take his own life. I will not be sucked into a discussion of politics by people who prefer emotion to reason. The designated hitter is an abomination, and the day pitchers and catchers report is the start of the new year despite what those ill-informed calendar makers might try to tell you.” “I”
― Brian D. Meeks, Underwood, Scotch, and Wry

“Not all who are alone are lonely, and not all who are together are loved.”
― Brian D. Meeks, Underwood, Scotch, and Wry

“Was that a compliment?” “It was not. It was a carefully considered analysis. I don’t do compliments, nor do I eat peas or tolerate fruit in Jello.” “Fruit in Jello?” “It is an abomination, and people who wed two wonderful things into such an unholy union should be killed.” “You’re quite a mess, aren’t you?” “Yes. Your point?”
― Brian D. Meeks, Underwood, Scotch, and Wry

“There had always been a part of him that suspected this day might come. How long can one be miserable before it loses its appeal? The first day wasn’t the problem, but he knew there was a fair amount of unpleasantness coming if he should choose to ignore the wishes of his mind and body. They would likely retaliate. He”
― Brian D. Meeks, Underwood, Scotch, and Wry

“I will not be sucked into a discussion of politics by people who prefer emotion to reason. The”
― Brian D. Meeks, Underwood, Scotch, and Wry

“I bet this is how Bill Cosby gets drunk,” and handed one to Fiona. Cheryl”
― Brian D. Meeks, Underwood, Scotch, and Wry

“We can hardly disappoint them, can we?” “I think you’ll find that I am more than qualified to disappoint them.”
― Brian D. Meeks, Underwood, Scotch, and Wry

“If I had a child and had to choose, well, there would be one more orphan.”
― Brian D. Meeks, Underwood, Scotch, and Wry

“Harsh would have been to point out that these dregs of social media really were the reason their parents divorced and have likely caused global warming by exhaling C02. They should die.” Wen”
― Brian D. Meeks, Underwood, Scotch, and Wry

“The door opened, and four, old, white men in dark suits spilled into the outer office. Their mood was dour with a hint of bourbon and entitlement.”
― Brian D. Meeks, Underwood, Scotch, and Wry

“Quoth the kitty, “Meow.” “I”
― Brian D. Meeks, Underwood, Scotch, and Wry

“I’m not a rocket scientist; I’m not even a rocket enthusiast,”
― Brian D. Meeks, Underwood, Scotch, and Wry

“I hope Toni takes her Nobel Prize, melts it down, and fashions a club for beating the stupid out of the attendees. Or at the very least, goes squirrel monkey on them.”   Arthur”
― Brian D. Meeks, Underwood, Scotch, and Wry

“You are allowed one stupid question per day, and that was it.”
― Brian D. Meeks, Underwood, Scotch, and Wry

“I laughed, I cried, I lost several IQ points...which is upsetting because I tend to prefer to spend those on drink.” “Whatever.”
― Brian D. Meeks, Underwood, Scotch, and Wry

“When one is using a hashtag, is #StickUpAss spelled with two spaces or none?” She”
― Brian D. Meeks, Underwood, Scotch, and Wry

“I laughed, I cried, I lost several IQ points...which is upsetting because I tend to prefer to spend those on drink.”
― Brian D. Meeks, Underwood, Scotch, and Wry

“(I hate that Microsoft Word won’t recognize ‘google’ as a verb. Stupid squiggly lines of judgment. I digress.)”
― Brian D. Meeks, Underwood, Scotch, and Wry

“What was I saying? I was waxing poetic and working toward pretentious, if I recall. Oh, yes, the smell of a fine, fall football Saturday. Spring is such a girl. She gets credit for love, hope, renewal, and the dream of what might be. Summer is all, ‘Hey dude, it’s warm; let’s party.’ It’s truly the fraternity brother of the four seasons. Fall, to me, seems like the bad-ass who is about to hop on his Harley and drive off into the sunset because he’s not going to listen to that bitch winter go on and on about how nobody likes her and the snow drifts make her look fat.”
― Brian D. Meeks, Underwood, Scotch, and Wry