Eighth Grave After Dark Quotes

“A friend will help you if someone knocks you down. A best friend will pick up a bat and say, “Stay down. I got this.”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“GOD GIVES US ONLY WHAT WE CAN HANDLE. APPARENTLY, GOD THINKS I’M A BADASS. —BUMPER STICKER”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“NOPE. CAN’T GO TO HELL.SATAN STILL HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST ME.”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“IRONY: THE OPPOSITE OF WRINKLY. —T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“PEOPLE WILL STOP ASKING QUESTIONS IF YOU ANSWER BACK IN INTERPRETIVE DANCE. —T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“Are you free?” he asked. “No, but I’m on sale for a dollar ninety-nine.”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“SOMETIMES I WONDER IF THE PURPOSE OF MY LIFE IS TO SERVE AS A CAUTIONARY TALE TO OTHERS. —T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“ANXIETY GIRL! ABLE TO JUMP TO THE WRONG CONCLUSION IN A SINGLE BOUND. —T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“Sometimes I crave pickles. Other times I crave the blood of my enemy. Weird. —CHARLEY DAVIDSON”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“SOME DAYS I LOOK BACK ON MY LIFE AND I’M EXTREMELY IMPRESSED I’M STILL ALIVE. —T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“Are you free?” he asked. “No, but I’m on sale for a dollar ninety-nine.” He sighed, adding fuel to the fire. “Do you have a minute?” I patted my pockets. “Not on me, but I can go through the couch cushions.”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“EARTH: THE INSANE ASYLUM OF THE UNIVERSE.”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“When yet another woman old enough to be his grandmother headed Reyes off and demanded his attention before he could get to me, I giggled at the forced smile on his face. She flirted, batted her lashes, and patted his biceps about twelve times too many for his comfort. He took out his phone and typed as the woman spoke to him, her movements exaggerated. I couldn't be certain but I had a feeling she was talking to him about how she used to be a pole dancer until her hip gave out.

My phone chimed. I took it out of the delicate clutch that matched my dress and read Reyes's text.

Aren't you going to save me?

I don't know. I'm having a lot of fun right now. Wanna sext?

He crossed an arm over his chest while holding his phone. One corner of his mouth twitched as he leaned back against the tree and typed.

Absolutely.

Sweet. What are you wearing?

His eyes sparkled with mirth.

Animal print boxers and striped socks

I burst out laughing, gaining the attention of everyone around me.”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“The guy had more secrets than Victoria”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“Why can’t we have one of those quick pregnancies like Bella and Edward? Gwen from Torchwood. Scully. Deanna Troi. Or even Cordelia when that demon impregnated her. Twenty-four hours later bam! Demon child.”
― darynda jones , Eighth Grave After Dark

“Ignoring me, he read the title of the book I kept firmly between our gazes. "Lover awakened. " He nestled his head on my shoulder. "Weren't you reading this book last month? "
"No."
He raised a brow.
"Yes. I can't stop. I've read it twenty-seven times in a row.”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“Honey, I'm a God. That shit works on everyone.”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“We watch movies while Uncle Reyes makes cockporn.” Everyone in the immediate area stilled while Reyes and I pressed our mouths together, trying not to crack up. This was a serious situation, and cracking up now would just be wrong. “Popcorn, honey,” Amador said. Then he looked at Bianca. “Hon, she really needs to learn how to say that word.”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“No,” she said with a soft chuckle. “I’m afraid he will sever the spine of any boy who breaks our girl’s heart.”
“Oh,” I said, relief flooding me. But she had an incredibly well thought-out point.”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“I really just wanted to make sure my psychotic, sleep-deprived husband wasn't wrestling hellhounds. That would have been a great metaphor if it weren't real. I'd have to remember it. Use it metaphorically later.”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“CREMATION OF THE BODY IS FINAL. —SIGN IN FUNERAL HOME”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“He enchanted.

He simply enchanted.

Stopping in his tracks when he saw my expression, he studied me a long moment before walking over to me and placing a kiss on my cheek. The act was an excuse to whisper in my ear. "You have to stop looking at me like that if we're going to make it through the day without losing our clothes."

I turned to kiss him back. "I have no intention of making it through the day with you fully clothed.”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“I kept my head down and my breathing steady. No idea why. I totally felt like a sniper in the marines. Only I was pregnant. Other than that, and the fact that I couldn’t snipe if they’d paid me to, I embodied all that a sniper should be. Stealth. Grace. The patience of a panther on the prowl.”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“Showers were God’s reward for working hard enough to get dirty.”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“Were you planning on telling me?” I asked my husband. “Not today,” he said. I stood aghast. No idea why. The guy had more secrets than Victoria.”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“It was a sad and disappointing day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the universe. (Not even remotely.) —MEME”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“We watch movies while Uncle Reyes makes cockporn.”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“So, we're in agreement. That's a crazy idea and we will never have one like that again."

"Cook, all our ideas are crazy. That's setting the bar a little high, don't you think?”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“We were venturing onto uncomfortable ground. Compliments weren’t part of our MO. Passive-aggressive insults were. Mild threats. A little nagging here and there.”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark

“Anther spasm ripped through me and all I could wonder was why in the world had women been doing this for thousands of years? This was barbaric. This was torture. Never again. Never again as long as I lived would I have another baby, so Beep had better be pretty awesome.”
― Darynda Jones, Eighth Grave After Dark