Hammerhead Ranch Motel Quotes

“I’m a one-hundred-percent, made-in-Florida, dope-smugglin’, time-sharin’, spring-breakin’, log-flumin’, double-occupancy discount vacation. I’m a tall glass of orange juice and a day without sunshine. I’m the wind in your sails, the sun on your burn and the moon over Miami. I am the native.”
― Tim Dorsey, Hammerhead Ranch Motel

“We may have just slipped through some kind of white-trash worm-hole in the time-space continuum.”
― Tim Dorsey, Hammerhead Ranch Motel

“A rapidly approaching jackass armada.”
― Tim Dorsey, Hammerhead Ranch Motel

“Look at ’em intimidating those old bastards. Check out that satanic sparkle in their eyes. You don’t get that from Folgers.”
― Tim Dorsey, Hammerhead Ranch Motel

“TIM DORSEY IS ONE SICK BUNNY.” Belfast News Letter”
― Tim Dorsey, Hammerhead Ranch Motel

“the nation’s transition from a culture molded by sacrifice and hard work to a bunch of cranky, unobliged brats.”
― Tim Dorsey, Hammerhead Ranch Motel

“You’ve been brainwashed by whitey!”
― Tim Dorsey, Hammerhead Ranch Motel

“At work, he pretended every woman customer was a floozy with a hard-luck story who only needed a good slapping.”
― Tim Dorsey, Hammerhead Ranch Motel

“the residents had yet to acquire an appreciation for a South American midget screaming Spanish profanities like Frankie Valli and sucker-punching a fat woman into submission between the jacarandas.”
― Tim Dorsey, Hammerhead Ranch Motel

“Serge thought he should probably ditch the limo, since it would draw attention, but he didn’t because, one, he was nuts, and two, it had gizmos.”
― Tim Dorsey, Hammerhead Ranch Motel

“It’s not a question of whether crime pays. It’s whether you enjoy your job. That’s the key to life.”
― Tim Dorsey, Hammerhead Ranch Motel

“There are many roads to dignity, and one is called character—”
― Tim Dorsey, Hammerhead Ranch Motel

“Cowards and men do not cry the same, and a man can cry with dignity and not confuse the two. But when women get going, they can sometimes throw ashtrays with the velocity of Sandy Koufax, and it is best to leave the house.”
― Tim Dorsey, Hammerhead Ranch Motel

“A man can be destroyed but not defeated!” Jethro lifted his beer and drained it all at once and then looked at the can. “I have drunk you, beer, and I thank you. We are now one….”
― Tim Dorsey, Hammerhead Ranch Motel