Songs of the Gorilla Nation Quotes

“Much later I would see this kind of behavior with gorillas in captivity. They had nervous tics similar, if not identical, to mine: hair plucking, picking at scabs, scratching, rocking, chewing on themselves, and other repetitive and self-stimulating behaviors. One gorilla spun in tight, fast circles. Another bobbed her head up and down.”
― Dawn Prince-Hughes, Songs of the Gorilla Nation: My Journey Through Autism

“I had trouble following sequential directions, which was a problem because I was often left alone to complete complicated tasks. Most of my tasks were written down, and I did fairly well if I could do them in order. If something came up in the middle, which it often did, I would be thrown and unable to complete the remainder.”
― Dawn Prince-Hughes, Songs of the Gorilla Nation: My Journey Through Autism

“In one instance a woman was lying in my arms after hours of sex, and we were watching the sun come up, and I said, “Do you know what Plato says about forms?” She answered, “No. But I know what to say about your form.” Pushing her away to block a kiss, I said, “No, really. What do you think about the idea that there are timeless blueprints for things?” She twisted her mouth in disgust. “You’re weird,” she said.”
― Dawn Prince-Hughes, Songs of the Gorilla Nation: My Journey Through Autism

“Another component of my “mystique” was my appearance: I wore leather jackets because their weight and thickness calmed me; dark glasses, sometimes even at night, because they cut out some of the stimulation to my nervous system; and heavy boots that made me feel secure and grounded as I clomped around in them. I must have looked like a perfect practiced stud with all the trimmings, when in reality I was withdrawn and armored primarily out of anxiety and confusion.”
― Dawn Prince-Hughes, Songs of the Gorilla Nation: My Journey Through Autism

“A much-loved and longtime worker, Lacey, dispensed gentle Christian advice to the young women around her, who were often troubled or tired. I still have an image of Lacey sitting quietly among the bustle of the dressing room and presenting such a beautiful picture; she was so serene, so accepting, and right with Christ, whom she loved more than her own breathing. She had been raised within the paradoxically freeing confines of strict morality in a black Baptist church. One may wonder how such a religious woman had come to lead a life as a career dancer. Lacey was blessed—for so she considered it—with the most enormous breasts I had ever seen. They actually prevented her from leading a normal existence. I asked her once if she felt angry that through no fault of her own she was forced to lead what many might consider an immoral life. She seemed genuinely surprised. “The Lord give me dese,” she said, as she pushed her small hands under the mountains of flesh that gave her headaches, backaches, and rashes. Lifting them up to heaven as a testament to her belief in their divine origins, she continued, “He give me dese so I could spread love. Den He give me dis job so I could get along in life.”
― Dawn Prince-Hughes, Songs of the Gorilla Nation: My Journey Through Autism

“Words described real experiences, and their curves and lines left a mental trail for me to follow by sense memory, whereas numbers threw curves at me and stonewalled me with their lines, barring me from understanding them, where they came from, and where they went. Math did not describe anything to me; if people themselves were often disconnected parts—sometimes one, sometimes many—how could I hope to quantify the rest of the world? Discrete amounts had little meaning for me.”
― Dawn Prince-Hughes, Songs of the Gorilla Nation: My Journey Through Autism

“I felt uncomfortable from the start because I had profound problems with following sequential directions, especially when they were spoken.”
― Dawn Prince-Hughes, Songs of the Gorilla Nation: My Journey Through Autism

“Like others who seek to be what they are not, we invariably end up with secondary problems engendered by chronic anxiety. As rage and frustration are pushed below our consciousness, we suffer depression. Somatic difficulties like stomachaches and headaches and other ailments can be chronic as a result of unrelenting anxiety and the repression of coping mechanisms while trying to fit in.”
― Dawn Prince-Hughes, Songs of the Gorilla Nation: My Journey Through Autism

“Given that we seek the small and manageable, it is no surprise that many high-functioning autistic people, unable to communicate with others above the ringing swirl, shout across the canyons of reality by writing. The aesthetic wonder of cutting and tracing the lines of one’s thoughts and feelings into the steady lines of permanent letters offers the tracings of keys, the thrill of high-wire words crossing so many gaps, paintings of tiny landscapes—their horizons traced out in the mountain ranges of sentences and the strata of paragraphs. There we find a peaceful world of art and order, a land we can share.”
― Dawn Prince-Hughes, Songs of the Gorilla Nation: My Journey Through Autism

“Other sounds, though quiet, would be painful to me and make me see colors, after which I would fight a metallic taste in my mouth.”
― Dawn Prince-Hughes, Songs of the Gorilla Nation: My Journey Through Autism

“I felt like I would disappear if I were not hemmed in by the familiar and unchanging.”
― Dawn Prince-Hughes, Songs of the Gorilla Nation: My Journey Through Autism

“Much like the deaf community, we autistics are building an emergent culture. We individuals, with our cultures of one, are building a culture of many.”
― Dawn Prince-Hughes, Songs of the Gorilla Nation: My Journey Through Autism

“Gorillas, like autistic people, are misunderstood. They are seen as ugly, as caricatures of fully formed humanity, as unfinished or trapped in an anachronistic world that has no value. Prejudices about what it means to be a person necessarily exclude those who are not bright on the stage of common action; those who do not welcome the glare of shining, blinding smiles, who do not lean closer to hear the roar and macramé of shouted words, who do not cut themselves and mold their flesh and spirit to fit the narrow human path, funneling upward without looking back. Autistic people can be left behind, hunted and haunted, looking through an often opaque glass.”
― Dawn Prince-Hughes, Songs of the Gorilla Nation: My Journey Through Autism