The Confidence Myth Quotes

“The lines between being assertive or being aggressive, taking charge or being overly ambitious, and being nice or being ineffective are so blurred (by both sexes) that hitting the right note can feel impossible. In”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“Confidence is about stepping up over and over again, looking fear in the face and moving ahead anyway.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“Should I work on it or let it go?” Debbie also encourages her supervisors to talk candidly about areas she needs to develop. She asks for feedback directly if it is not being given. She tells them, “It’s nice to know that there are good things that I’m doing, but that doesn’t help me improve. Please share with me something that will give me an opportunity to grow.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“Confidence spark Try this the next time you receive feedback and find yourself getting defensive. Take a few deep breaths and repeat back what has been said to show that you have understood. Doing this will give you a little distance from reacting in a way you might regret. Later on you can reflect on what fits and what doesn’t. If you need support, get input from a trusted colleague.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“this gives me distance from the remark. I acknowledge the person, let her know I need time to digest it, and tell her I’ll get back to her shortly. I then assess what I’ve heard to determine what is true about it and what isn’t. If I feel the need, I talk it out with a trusted friend. Here is the method Andrea Zintz, career coach”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“The moral of the story: don’t react, especially when you are hungry and tired! Process the feedback at a time when you can take an honest look at what is being said.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“Confidence is about showing up and moving forward as we are, not having it all together and never making mistakes. When we allow for mistakes, we are growing. The question then becomes, how do we deal with the discomfort of hearing constructive feedback so we can process it and move forward?”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“chapter 1. There is a stigma attached to being anything less than perfect, and we feel exposed when we find out through critiques that we aren’t.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“honest feedback is a must. What we don’t know will hurt us.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“Feedback tells us how we are really being perceived, so if we are not getting it, we need to ask for it.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“But if no one speaks honestly to you, how will you know what is getting in the way of your moving up?”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“MYTH When I feel criticized, I react defensively and I can’t be objective. TRUTH I have the ability to discriminate, take what fits, and leave the rest.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“Power tools • Be people sensitive. Know your audience (whether one or many) and understand how you need to communicate in order to bring about change. • Learn to artfully listen. Go beyond the words people are saying to know what they are really feeling. • Observe powerful women and note the way they dress. What makes them look like leaders? Can you see yourself dressing in a similar way? If not, how would you dress differently? • Become more self-aware. When you have to handle a stressful situation, own how you feel before you take action. When you are being authentic, you’ll more easily be able to maintain your poise.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“Think of yourself in a job two levels higher than the one you have now. Imagine what you’d be doing. What do you look like—how are you dressed? Do you seem poised and in command? Reflect on some of the women leaders who are actually at that level now. How do they carry themselves? How do they dress? In preparing for what you will wear to work tomorrow, keep these images in mind. Pick your clothes accordingly. Also, practice carrying yourself as a leader—shoulders relaxed and back with your head held high as you walk.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“it’s about conveying the image of where you want to be, not where you are.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“Confidence spark One of the best ways to listen to someone is to tune in to the sound of his voice. He may be saying one thing but meaning something else. Focus on the quality of his tone—does he sound stressed or confident? What do you know about him that can help you figure out what he is really saying? If thoughts come up that distract you, just keep focusing on his voice to heighten your awareness of his real motivation and mental state.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“Executive coach Alan Allard told me, “Listening shows respect, even if you don’t agree with what the person is saying.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“Confidence spark If public speaking is a great fear of yours, try practicing first with a few people you are comfortable with, people who you know will be an encouraging audience. Allow for nervousness, but focus on your listeners and their supportive presence. Take a few deep breaths and share something personal that’s meaningful for you. Authenticity and vulnerability help create a connection with your audience. A few sessions with a coach might be helpful if you feel the need.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“I take a few deep breaths before I begin to speak, and I listen to the sounds in the room—this gets me focused and really present with my audience.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“learned from him that the spark between audience and speaker is ignited as you give the audience your full attention. He also advised me that it’s okay to feel your fear but remember that most people want you to succeed.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“Speaking Circles International, is the transformational speaking coach who worked with me. He underscored the importance of listening to your audience before, during, and after you speak in order to create nonverbal connections.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“This experience drove me to get a coach and really hone my speaking skills. I realized how important it was to be authentic, to not show PowerPoint slides when people are expecting something different but instead to tell stories— personal stories, some of which I had told only to my best friends. And if I shared a weakness to get my point across, which I was afraid to do for a very long time, the audience connected with me even more. If someone like me, with my flaws, could be successful, so could they. My story inspired them.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“envisioning a positive outcome has helped her speak with presence. For her first staff meeting at her former position as publisher of People en Español, Jackie envisioned herself passionately speaking to the group. An image of a successful meeting primed her to make it happen.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“And the more you do, the better you’ll get.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“But the only way to lessen the fear is to get out and speak.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“One of my guideposts is that it’s often a mistake to try too hard too early,” Kathy shared. “So I sit back for a time, learn about the culture and what value I can provide, and watch things develop. I think that served me well with Europeans because I’m not perceived as self-promoting or too aggressive (the ugly American). People play into that stereotype because they try to impress too quickly.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“The most charismatic leaders don’t seem to be as concerned with the material they’re presenting as they are with getting to know their audiences.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“Confidence spark To keep poised in the face of a challenge, give yourself time to explore your reaction to the situation and what choices you have moving forward. If you are not in touch with your feelings about what is happening, you are less likely to act in your best interest or in the best interests of the others involved. Take a moment to pinpoint your emotions, thoughts, and beliefs about the crisis. Then make a list of strategic actions you can take and the results you think they may yield—including how the people affected might respond.”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“Don’t forget that there’s no I in team • Never underestimate the power of mentors, networks, and sponsors • Embrace lifelong learning • Follow the Golden Rule • Leave a legacy”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

“Lessons in Leadership: My Rules to Live By© • Be true to yourself • Do the right thing • Remember that actions speak louder than words • Put first things first • Just do it”
― Helene Lerner, The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It