Gummi Bears Should Not Be Organic Quotes

“I need friends who understand my limitations and have lowered their expectations. They get that although I said I’d be willing to go to an art opening on Saturday night, by the time the weekend rolls around I can only muster up enough energy to watch The Voice and eat a bowl of cereal. I need friends who understand that my version of dressing up is putting on special-occasion flip-flops. Yeah, bitch, they’re sparkly and fabulous, yet they can be worn to wash the car!”
― Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, Gummi Bears Should Not Be Organic: And Other Opinions I Can't Back Up With Facts

“9:00 Give five-minute warning that we are leaving for the zoo. 9:05 “Please put your shoes on.” 9:06 “Please put your shoes on.” 9:07 “Please put your shoes on.” 9:08 “Put your shoes on.” 9:09 “Put. Your. Shoes. On.” 9:40 Leave for the zoo.”
― Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, Gummi Bears Should Not Be Organic: And Other Opinions I Can't Back Up With Facts

“Oooh, there’s a Ziploc baggie with a broken barrette, four pencils that are missing erasers, and some decomposing Easter chocolate (do not under any circumstances eat the choc—oops, too late).”
― Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, Gummi Bears Should Not Be Organic: And Other Opinions I Can't Back Up With Facts

“Kids’ Bedtime Excuses 1. There’s a fly in my room. 2. Well, what time are you going to bed? 3. There’s no ice in my water and I clearly stated that I wanted ice water. 4. This is the wrong cup for my water. 5. I think one of my knees is bigger than the other. 6. My lips are chapped. 7. The tag in my jammies is bothering me. 8. “I’m having a bad dream.” “But you haven’t fallen asleep yet.” “Touché.” 9. I think someone stole my blankie. 10. My feet itch. 11. I’m wondering when we can go to Disneyland again. 12. My hair feels funny. 13. I’m worried that kangaroos bite. 14. Am I allergic to anything? 15. Can I have dessert again? 16. I want to sleep in your room. 17. You forgot to tuck me in. 18. My brain is telling me funny jokes and I need to share them with you. 19. My lamp is too loud. 20. My socks are too tight. 21. There’s a penny in my bed. 22. I can’t figure out why pudding is so delicious. 23. I forgot what comes after twenty-nine. 24. It’s not dark enough outside. 25. My legs are hot.”
― Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, Gummi Bears Should Not Be Organic: And Other Opinions I Can't Back Up With Facts