My Favorite Uncle Quotes

“So, Carter, if you need to talk about anything, you know, about being gay. If there are things that you don't understand or things that confuse you, you can ask me. Anything. You can ask me anything."
Carter studied him for a moment and asked. "Who's your cell provider?”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“You live your life like it's some kind of nuclear fallout shelter. The walls are three feet thick, you have enough food to last through nuclear winter and you're the only one in there.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“You think love is about sharing minutiae. I think love is about making decisions with the other person in mind.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“There's only three times you see a look like that on a guy's face, when he's looking at the world's best basketball player, when he's getting an autograph from like the best action hero ever, or when he's totally in love with another guy.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“one of the hardest things to accept in life is that people love you as much as they can. It’s almost never enough, but it’s all there is.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“Martin shampooed his hair and wished his life was more like a movie. Everything in a movie completed. Relationships began, they developed and they ended or went on happily forever. All in less than two hours. Life, though was not like a movie, it was ragged, an outdated map with new streets added whose direction you could never quite discern, or a maze filled with suddenly appearing walls and aimless corridors. Even when a movie didn’t have a happy ending, it had a logical ending that you could live with. Life had endings that you didn’t know were endings, or endings that you thought were endings and then they weren’t.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“Well Okay" Carter said "so the the average homosexual has five hundred sex partners a year, but I've been here almost a week and you don't have sex with anybody. Is there something wrong with you?”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“Obviously the best way to attract someone is to pretend to be someone you're not.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“Why did people fall in love?he wondered as he watched Rock and Doris pretend to do just that. Obviously, it made people ridiculous and not just in movies from the sixties. There had to be some basis in real life or no one would ever have made a silly comedy about love. Yeah, there were also movies about love that weren't comedies, but in those movies people acted ridiculous for a while and then someone announced the were going to die, or they had to go off to war, or oops I forgot to mention my wife. People stopped acting ridiculous and starting acting really serious and sad, sad because the ridiculous part was over. How could people want this foolishness in their lives?”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“Two rows of five showers faced each other, so you could get a good look at as many as three different guys. For instance, today he saw three different guys all diligently scrubbing their penises into various states of erection. The one in the middle wore a thick metal cock ring, which shocked Martin. He did think you should at least pretend you came to the gym to workout.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“You know, I've always thought that we don't have enough words for love. Or maybe it's that we don't use the words we have. For instance, infatuation. No one ever says, 'I'm so infatuated.' Which, if you think about it is the first stage of a relationship. Infatuation.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“Actually having sex with a screenwriter typically led to a blockbuster.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“Take your clothes off. Slowly," he told Carter.
So this is what romantic is, Carter thought. Kissing and watching each other strip.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“In Hollywood, it isn't how old you are. It's how old you pretend to be.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“I would never try to pass for under forty," Martin said. "I look good for forty-eight. If I go around telling people I'm thirty-eight, they're gonna start saying, wow, he looks really bad. If I'm gonna lie about my age at all, I'm gonna tell people I'm in my late fifties. That way I'll look terrific.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“Carter smiled weakly as he took his first sip of Cabernet and found out it didn't taste much like fruit at all. In fact it tasted only slightly better than cough medicine and not at all like the blackberries the menu had promised. Craptastic. Now they had a whole bottle of the stuff.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“Well, if we're done insulting each other I guess we can leave.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“Carter thought the Universe was a lot like God, except that the Universe didn't have a book telling you how to be and who to hate.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“The kid was cramping Martin's style. Martin's style was drama-free, peace, and quiet. It did not include slamming doors, difficult personal questions, or conversations with teenagers about sex.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“Being a healthy broke person was better than being an unhealthy broke person. Besides, he needed to think. And to be honest, most of what he did at the gym was more like thinking than exercising.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“Hey.How's it going?"
Martin always butched it up a little with his brother.
He tried to sound like a mechanic.
Why a mechanic?
Martin wasn't sure.
His own mechanic was gay, but he didn't sound gay.
Maybe that was what he was going for-gay but not gay.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“We went to bed at a normal time, and then I woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of him fucking some guy!"

"Are you sure you're related? Can we get a DNA test?”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“Martin hesitated. This was a definite yes and no answer. Yes, gay guys picked up strangers on the street, for that matter sometimes so did lesbians. And certainly straight people did whether they'd admit it or not. Of course, straight people were encouraged not to pick up people on the street, while gays and lesbians were encouraged not to exist at all. But none of that was the point.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“These days you don't need a country to have a flag, you don't need to win an election to become president, and you don't need an enemy to have a war.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“Immediately, Carter remembered one of the statistics they'd quoted at The Renewal Center. "The average homosexual male has five hundred sexual partners a year." He was sure that's what they'd said. It did seem like an awful lot, even to Carter who was almost always horny. It was 1.369 sexual encounters a day, which sounded like a lot of work just to be average.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“Television viewing in Carter's home had been divided into three categories: shows he could watch when his parents were home, shows he could watch when his parents were gone but his sisters were home, and shows he could only watch if he was alone.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“He'd only read a little of Bible, but from everything he heard about Jesus, he didn't thing the man would be especially happy about what his followers did in his name.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“I didn't crawl out from under a rock, you know."
"I never thought you crawled out from under a rock. I thought you were a science experiment gone awry.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“He had to admit that Ricky didn't pick up strangers. He got names, numbers, professions, life stories, hopes, dreams, and ambitions, then he had sex with them and duped them. It was casual sex, but with enough information that Ricky didn't have to feel like a slut.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle

“People do terrible things. You should never blame ideas.”
― Marshall Thornton, My Favorite Uncle