Hades Speaks! Quotes

“As king of the underworld, I have more important things to do.
Like what, you ask?
Well, like coming up with new punishments for evil-doers in the dungeons of Tartaros, for one. And also scouring every inch of this place to make sure that no sons of Zeus—or Poseidon, for that matter (I'm looking at you, Percy Jackson)—sneak into my realm to create yet more havoc.”
― Vicky Alvear Shecter, Hades Speaks!: A Guide to the Underworld by the Greek God of the Dead

“And to me, they gave a helmet of invisibility.
Sometimes my gift was called the "cap" of invisibility. Seriously? Caps are what baseball players wear. Caps are cute. Caps are silly. The king of the underworld does not wear a "cap". It's a helmet, people.
You wouldn't call Poseidon's trident a "shrimp fork," would you? Or Zeus's lightning bolts, "sparklers"? So don't let me hear you say "cap." Furthermore, I don't want to hear anything about some wizard-boy's "Cloak of Invisibility," either. Mine came first.”
― Vicky Alvear Shecter, Hades Speaks!: A Guide to the Underworld by the Greek God of the Dead

“Most people picture my dog with three heads, but that is wrong, wrong, wrong. He is way cooler than that. Some poets claimed he had fifty heads and some poets called him the "hundred-headed" beast. Others described him with not only multiple heads, but with a serpent's tail, a mane of snakes, and lion's paws.
Whatever. I call him awesome.”
― Vicky Alvear Shecter, Hades Speaks!: A Guide to the Underworld by the Greek God of the Dead

“One popular fantasy book featuring a boy wizard who shall not be named calls my fearsome dog "Fluffy.”
― Vicky Alvear Shecter, Hades Speaks!: A Guide to the Underworld by the Greek God of the Dead

“As I said, my wife's mother is Demeter, the earth goddess of plants and grain. She is a Freak. Of. Nature. And I mean that literally, as you will soon see. Also, she suffers from Possessive Mother Syndrome.”
― Vicky Alvear Shecter, Hades Speaks!: A Guide to the Underworld by the Greek God of the Dead

“That blur of light that just zoomed past us, by the way, is Hermes. I don't like that boy—and not just because he is a son of Zeus. He's the one who brings my wife to the upper world when it's time for her to visit her mom, Demeter (deh-mee-ter). Because of that job, Hermes ended up escorting all the dead to my realm. Not like they needed an escort, but still. It gave the hyperactive, thieving godling something to do. (Yeah, he's the god of thieves, so of course he's Zeus's son.)”
― Vicky Alvear Shecter, Hades Speaks!: A Guide to the Underworld by the Greek God of the Dead

“Our mom, Rhea, was not happy about her husband's baby-eating habit, but she didn't know how to stop him. Finally, by the time my little brother Zeus was born, she came up with a plan. (Really, mom? Nothing occured to you until the sixth child?)”
― Vicky Alvear Shecter, Hades Speaks!: A Guide to the Underworld by the Greek God of the Dead

“Kronos, the Titan god of time and age, overthrew his father and took control of the cosmos. His angry parents foretold that one of Kronos's own children would despose him, which is why we gods began as baby food.”
― Vicky Alvear Shecter, Hades Speaks!: A Guide to the Underworld by the Greek God of the Dead

“The ancient Greeks lived more than 2,500 years ago and were responsible for many of the things you take for granted today, such as democracy, freedom of speech, theater, money, the Olympic Games, and crazy politicians.”
― Vicky Alvear Shecter, Hades Speaks!: A Guide to the Underworld by the Greek God of the Dead

“Oh, also, do not eat any of the luscious pomeganates that grow near my palace, because if you do, you will never return to the land of the living. Why rush things, right?”
― Vicky Alvear Shecter, Hades Speaks!: A Guide to the Underworld by the Greek God of the Dead

“I was a king. A ruler. I did not bag and tag humans like some evil hunter whenever I heard my name. I let my monstrous minions to that.”
― Vicky Alvear Shecter, Hades Speaks!: A Guide to the Underworld by the Greek God of the Dead