Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships Quotes

“When you start thinking about the painful memory or person, as soon as the emotion arises, it is as if the energy of the sea cleanses it and removes its toxic from your body. I don’t know if there is any scientific proof of this, but from my experience, this practice is one of the most effective ways of observing and dissolving negative emotions stored in the body. Q: Apart from listening to the waves what else can I do? A: I would like you to change the experiment slightly. This time, wait till it is a sunny day. Then put on your bathing suit and sit in the sunshine, instead of sitting in the shadow fully dressed. Apart from that, do the same thing. Think about a painful encounter with your ex and observe your emotion as you listen to the waves.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“It means you need to develop sufficient presence, so his jealousy will not affect you. You know with yourself that you have a clean conscience, and that should be sufficient for you.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“Ultimately, everyone is subconsciously looking for someone more centered. The real reason is that subconsciously, everyone wants to evolve and become more present. But instead of focusing on ourselves, we project the lack of that quality on the partner.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“Of course your ego wants that. You feel something is lacking in life, and have defined that as lack of self-confidence in your partner. The problem here is not that your boyfriend does not give you security. The issue is that you feel insecure yourself. Your boyfriend is merely a mirror, so you can become aware of this insecurity. Be grateful for that. If he had been a very mature, confident guy, you would just lean on him and never discover the insecurity in yourself.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“Now that you have discovered your true center, the gossip does not feel rewarding any longer, because you do not identify with your ego any longer.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“They can be moody and difficult to deal with. Again, it is important not to place the "blame" on them, but realize this is part of the life cycle. If their behavior triggers your pain-body, this is an opportunity to grow on, the same way as when you experience the pain-body of your wife.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“is that the moment you experience her pain-body and it triggers something in you, then it is your emotion and not her any longer.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“When the storm is over, distance yourself, find a peaceful spot and observe whatever you sensed in the moment. This way, you take responsibility for your emotions. Gradually, observing your emotions will transmute them into presence, and one day you will discover that her mood swings are no longer able to disturb your inner peace and stability.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“What you really need to do here is to prepare well, so you are more centered when you know her cycle is approaching. It is no different than preparing with extra firewood before the winter sets in.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“The real question here is how you can grow stronger and more centered, so her moodiness won’t disturb your peace.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“Do not make it personal. And instead of focusing on her, just observe your own emotions. Make it a habit to consider those days as test-periods, where you can grow your presence by remaining centered in the storm.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“I notice this anxiety, anger, defensiveness, fear etc arising in me". Don’t label the feeling as neither good nor bad. It is what it is. Then, tell yourself "whatever I feel is not her responsibility, but my own emotions. If I have this emotion, it is because it has been inside me and gets activated now.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“The main point is that the moment you experience an emotion, it is 100% yours.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“Likewise, unless you live close to the equator, you will have different seasons. Surely, for many it is nicer when it is hot and sunny than when it is cold and wet. Still, you learn to cope with it. If the weather causes a bad mood in you, of course this is not the fault of the whether, but an indication that you need to deepen your roots within to become more stable and centered.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“Make it a habit to use every opportunity to fill up your vital energy and regain contact with Being.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“keep in mind that generally we do not choose how life makes us grow. We can, of course, choose which books to read, which lectures to attend, what yoga-class to go to etc. That is one way of growing. But real growth happens as life presents challenging situations. At that time, you have the ability to test the degree of your presence.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“you will do whatever you can to stay as present as possible. That is the biggest gift you can give to anyone, including your partner, your children, friends and family. You may also notice gradually that when you deepen in your center, people around you will automatically seek you out more, as they sense you have something truly important to give them.  So never have bad conscience for giving first priority to maintaining your center.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“He has fallen out of love with his true self, and confuses that with love for you.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“The ego, of course, likes to put the blame on "external factors", instead of acknowledging that the pain belongs to myself and is my own responsibility.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“You will also see that certain events upset some people, while the very same event will not bother someone else.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“No, there is a difference between that and to follow your body’s sense of attraction. Life’s intelligence works through your body. It will lead you to the people you need in order to grow”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships

“No, the ego and the pain-body are separate things, although related. The ego is your excessive identification with your thoughts and emotions. When you believe you are your thoughts or your feelings, you are in the grip of the ego. The pain-body, being compressed fear stored in your body, will create a super-sensitivity, which causes your mind to generate negative thoughts. The negative thought process may in turn stimulate and awaken your pain further. In this way, negative thoughts (part of the ego) strengthen the pain-body, and the pain-body strengthens the ego, your identification with the thought process.”
― M. Rafat, Inside the Pain-Body - Dissolving Painful Emotions in Relationships