The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help Quotes

“Asking for help with shame says:
You have the power over me.
Asking with condescension says:
I have the power over you.
But asking for help with gratitude says:
We have the power to help each other.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“The Fraud Police are the imaginary, terrifying force of 'real' grown-ups who you believe - at some subconscious level - are going to come knocking on your door in the middle of the night, saying:
We've been watching you, and we have evidence that you have NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING. You stand accused of the crime of completely winging it, you are guilty of making shit up as you go along, you do not actually deserve your job, we are taking everything away and we are TELLING EVERYBODY.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“There’s a difference between wanting to be looked at and wanting to be seen.

When you are looked at, your eyes can be closed. You suck energy, you steal the spotlight. When you are seen, your eyes must be open, and you are seeing and recognizing your witness. You accept energy and you generate energy. You create light.

One is exhibitionism, the other is connection.

Not everybody wants to be looked at.

Everybody wants to be seen.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“I want to live and work alone. If we get married, do I have to live with you? No, he said. Will you marry me? Do I have to act like a wife? I don’t really want to be a wife. No, you don’t need to be a wife, he said. Will you marry me? If we get married, will we be able to sleep with other people? Yep, he said. Will you marry me? Can I maintain total control of my life? I need total control of my life. Yes, darling. I’m not trying to control you. At all. Will you marry me? I probably don’t want kids. That’s fine. I already have three. They’re great. Will you marry me? If I marry you and it doesn’t work, can we just get divorced? Sure, he said brightly.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“There’s no “correct path” to becoming a real artist. You might think you’ll gain legitimacy by going to art school, getting published, getting signed to a record label. But it’s all bullshit, and it’s all in your head. You’re an artist when you say you are. And you’re a good artist when you make somebody else experience or feel something deep or unexpected.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“A farmer is sitting on his porch in a chair, hanging out.
A friend walks up to the porch to say hello, and hears an awful yelping, squealing sound coming from inside the house.
"What's that terrifyin' sound?" asks the friend.
"It's my dog," said the farmer. "He's sittin' on a nail."
"Why doesn't he just sit up and get off it?" asks the friend.
The farmer deliberates on this and replies:
"Doesn't hurt enough yet.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“From what I've seen, it isn't so much the act of asking that paralyzes us--it's what lies beneath: the fear of being vulnerable, the fear of rejection, the fear of looking needy or weak. The fear of being seen as a burdensome member of the community instead of a productive one.

It points, fundamentally, to our separation from one another.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“When you’re an artist, nobody ever tells you or hits you with the magic wand of legitimacy. You have to hit your own head with your own handmade wand. And you feel stupid doing it.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“There's really no honor in proving that you can carry the entire load on your own shoulders. And...it's lonely”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“In both the art and the business worlds, the difference between the amateurs and the professionals is simple: The professionals know they’re winging it. The amateurs pretend they’re not.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“And when you’re afraid of someone’s judgment, you can’t connect with them. You’re too preoccupied with the task of impressing them.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“Just take the fucking donuts.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“Eat the pain. Send it back into the void as love.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“WHO’S GOT A TAMPON? I JUST GOT MY PERIOD, I will announce loudly to nobody in particular in a women’s bathroom in a San Francisco restaurant, or to a co-ed dressing room of a music festival in Prague, or to the unsuspecting gatherers in a kitchen at a party in Sydney, Munich, or Cincinnati. Invariably, across the world, I have seen and heard the rustling of female hands through backpacks and purses, until the triumphant moment when a stranger fishes one out with a kind smile. No money is ever exchanged. The unspoken universal understanding is: Today, it is my turn to take the tampon. Tomorrow, it shall be yours. There is a constant, karmic tampon circle. It also exists, I’ve found, with Kleenex, cigarettes, and ballpoint pens.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“The perception that vulnerability is weakness is the most widely accepted myth about vulnerability and the most dangerous. When we spend our lives pushing away and protecting ourselves from feeling vulnerable or from being perceived as too emotional, we feel contempt when others are less capable or willing to mask feelings, suck it up, and soldier on. We’ve come to the point where, rather than respecting and appreciating the courage and daring behind vulnerability, we let our fear and discomfort become judgment and criticism.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“This is how a creative human works. Collecting, connecting, sharing.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“When you openly, radically trust people, they not only take care of you, they become your allies, your family. Sometimes people will prove themselves untrustworthy. When that happens, the correct response is not: Fuck! I knew I couldn’t trust anybody! The correct response is: Some people just suck. Moving right along.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“American culture in particular has instilled in us the bizarre notion that to ask for help amounts to an admission of failure. But some of the most powerful, successful, admired people in the world seem, to me, to have something in common: they ask constantly, creatively, compassionately, and gracefully. And to be sure: when you ask, there’s always the possibility of a no on the other side of the request. If we don’t allow for that no, we’re not actually asking, we’re either begging or demanding. But it is the fear of the no that keeps so many of our mouths sewn tightly shut.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“Collecting the dots. Then connecting them. And then sharing the connections with those around you. This is how a creative human works. Collecting, connecting, sharing.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“Anthony once told me: It isn’t what you say to people, it’s more important what you do with them. It’s less important what you do with them than the way you’re with them.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“Those who can ask without shame are viewing themselves in collaboration with—rather than in competition with—the world.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“It's hard enough to give fearlessly, and it's even harder to receive fearlessly.
But within that exchange lies the hardest thing of all:
To ask. Without shame.
And to accept the help that people offer.
Not to force them.
Just to let them.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“Sometimes it was like Neil was from an alien planet, where people never asked for or shared anything emotional without deeply apologizing first. He assured me that he was simply British. And that we Americans, with all of our loud oversharing and need for random hugs and free admissions to people we've just met of deep, traumatic childhood wounds looks just as alien to them.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“You can’t ever give people what they want. But you can give them something else. You can give them empathy. You can give them understanding. And that’s a lot, and enough to give.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“Art pries us open.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“When we ask for anything, we're almost always asking for help, in some form; help with money, permission, acceptance, advancement, help with our hearts...

Brene Brown has found through her research that women tend to feel shame around the idea of being 'never enough'... at home, at work, in bed, never pretty enough, never smart enough, never thin enough, never good enough...

Men tend to feel shame around the fear of being perceived as weak, or more academically, 'fear of being called a pussy'.

Both sexes get trapped in the same box for different reasons.

If I ask for help...
I am not enough.

If I ask for help...
I'm weak.

It's no wonder so many of us don't bother to ask, it's too painful.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“It’s really easy to love passing strangers unconditionally. They demand nothing of you. It is really hard to love people unconditionally when they can hurt you.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“Asking is, in itself, the fundamental building block of any relationship.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“I’ve apologized tons of times. The only thing I must not do is break the code of honesty and steady, forthright contact. You can fix almost anything by authentically communicating.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

“As I moved through my life as a statue and later as a musician, I started to understand. There’s a difference between wanting to be looked at and wanting to be seen.”
― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help