The Unhappy Medium Quotes

“Not every battle has been recorded, of course. Some skirmishes were too small or too remote to be noted by chroniclers, while some were just one in a sea of other troubles, historians far too busy saving their own skins to write down the details.”
― T.J. Brown, The Unhappy Medium

“Chris was a star, no question about it. He was also obsessively tidy – the inside of Baxter’s Lexus was as sterile as his soul and as organised as his itinerary.”
― T.J. Brown, The Unhappy Medium

“The mad, deluded and just plain misunderstood had been shipped down wholesale from London, where they had until then been deemed a source of entertainment in a strange foretaste of modern television.”
― T.J. Brown, The Unhappy Medium

“This isn’t The Bourne Ultimatum. Try and look natural will you.”
― T.J. Brown, The Unhappy Medium

“La Senza sensed an opportunity and felt a thrill of excitement course through his body like a spicy paella,”
― T.J. Brown, The Unhappy Medium

“So your family has been waiting since 1510 for this La Senza chap to come back then?’ Ascot offered hopefully. Van Loop looked at him sternly. ‘Cardinal La Senza, Mr McCauley, please. You must call our leader by his correct name. Anything else is disrespectful.’ ‘Cardinal, your worship, whatever,’ said Ascot, sneering dismissively. ‘Well, is he what you thought he’d be like?’ ‘I have to confess he’s more annoying than I was expecting. I was prepared for him to be gloriously evil, but he seems a bit more adolescent than that, I fear.’ ‘He certainly has his moments,’ said Ascot. ‘More Dick Dasterdly than Darth Vader.’ ‘I”
― T.J. Brown, The Unhappy Medium

“Five pints later, Newton was wandering aimlessly around north London feeling a mix of euphoria, pointlessness and self-destructive nihilism that only comes from draught lager and/or a sudden unexpected familiarity with the afterlife.”
― T.J. Brown, The Unhappy Medium

“Even a third-rate science fiction writer out of his nut on LSD couldn’t contrive the real nature of matter.”
― T.J. Brown, The Unhappy Medium

“You bet yer sweet scientific arse I went into space,”
― T.J. Brown, The Unhappy Medium

“to this very day, these grizzly events still play out”
― T.J. Brown, The Unhappy Medium

“The paltry manors of the two would-be despots abutted each other along the margins of the far-from-mighty River Snelt, not so much a river as a series of fetid swamps hanging together in a line in an attempt to appear on the map. At”
― T.J. Brown, The Unhappy Medium

“As the old curator walked bow-backed down the High Street towards his small museum, he looked sadly up at the growing number of estate agent signs and narrowed his eyes; everything seemed to be changing. There were no market days anymore. The big supermarkets in Weymouth and Swanage had long since starved out the butcher, baker and greengrocer, while online shopping had comprehensively killed off the antique shop and the second-hand bookstore. The young families had all drifted off to Dorchester and Bournemouth in search of employment and homes in which you could stand upright. Langton Hadlow had begun to die. The”
― T.J. Brown, The Unhappy Medium

“Ego autem sum quasi vas inane,’ he began awkwardly, stuttering along the lines of meaningless prose like a small child. ‘Ego donavit corpus meum ad dominum meum in exercitu magno Cardinalis Balthazar De La Senza,’ he continued, quickly becoming surprisingly fluent despite his vaguely cockney tone. ‘Tempore domini Inquisitoris magni voluntatis esse, aequo animo et scissa animam meam a fundamentis et suspensi in abyssum quasi stercora, nihil prorsus in aeternum damnatus egisse,’ he went on, oblivious to something stirring in the small box behind him. Wisps of purple drifted from it like steam from a cooling kettle. ‘Ego Christophorus Baxtere accipe usitata res est, uti et magnis La Senza caput meum corium et nervorum et magnifici primum genus dentium,’ Baxter continued, strangely enjoying himself. Far away in another place, the bound and trapped Cardinal La Senza had begun to whisper the words in unison beneath the folds of his hooded cloak. Oblivious, Baxter was flying now, quite unaware of the sinister coaching he was receiving. ‘O magnum La Senza, cum venerit, et ad hoc bonum esse propter tempus, quia ego miser!’ Baxter read on. A coiling snake-like tendril of purple had fingered its way through the lock of the cabinet and was creeping menacingly towards its target. It advanced up Baxter’s legs, body and neck until finally, it crept imperceptibly into his ears. ‘Ego Christophorus Baxtere immolare volens alumnam cerebrum meum et animam, ut vos mos postulo ut enable uariat possessione tua ...’ Pleased beyond measure by what he had fondled and explored, La Senza went still. Content for now, he drew back his sensing vines and they fell away from Baxter, unnoticed. His jailors had seen nothing. La Senza now had the chance he’d been craving for centuries, so many lifetimes of plotting and scheming. He knew nothing of the young man he had inspected so intimately – frankly, he didn’t care. It was the body, oh his body, so young and fit; teeth clean like white mice, no trace of Popery, no hint of Lutheran, Baptist, Jew, Muslim or Buddhist within his empty soul, nothing to restrain or inhibit the Inquisitor’s foul purposes. La Senza knew that his escape was mere days away. Immobile, he marshalled dark reserves for the events to come. ‘Nunc me vacua est anima mea praeparata et redditur supersunt, La Senza venit, et possident me! Sincere vestrum, Christopher Baxter,’ finished Chris, with a flourish. ‘Bravo Mr Baxter,’ said Ascot McCauley, standing as he clapped enthusiastically. ‘Bravo!”
― T.J. Brown, The Unhappy Medium

“a real slugfest Dr Barlow. You don’t even know”
― T.J. Brown, The Unhappy Medium