Poop, Booze, and Bikinis Quotes

“Women are like boats: They require constant maintenance and attention, and they cost a lot of money. Men are more like buses. Another will eventually come along.”
― Ed Robinson, Poop, Booze, and Bikinis

“Booze is the duct tape of life.”
― Ed Robinson, Poop, Booze, and Bikinis

“A terrible skipper was going back and forth through the anchorage, searching for a place to drop the hook before dark. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me.   If you find me a good spot, I will donate to charity, give up the demon rum, treat women with respect, pay my taxes, and never again give my crew all of the blame and none of the glory!" Miraculously, the boat with the best spot in the bay began pulling up anchor to leave. The skipper looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one myself.”
― Ed Robinson, Poop, Booze, and Bikinis

“wenches”
― Ed Robinson, Poop, Booze, and Bikinis

“money in”
― Ed Robinson, Poop, Booze, and Bikinis

“When the Zombie Apocalypse happens, the benefits of living on a boat will be amazingly numerous. Anchor out in deep enough water and watch the death and destruction from the safety of your vessel. Zombies killed everyone in town? Pick up anchor and move to a new location.”
― Ed Robinson, Poop, Booze, and Bikinis

“There's this sailor with a pet parrot. But the parrot swears like an old sea captain. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself! Trouble is, the sailor who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the sailor grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the sailor locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches everything inside. Finally the sailor lets the bird out. The bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran seaman blush. The sailor is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible racket from inside. Then it suddenly gets very quiet. At first the sailor just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. He's opens up the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on." The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. The parrot speaks again, "By the way, what did the chicken do?”
― Ed Robinson, Poop, Booze, and Bikinis