Thug Kitchen Quotes

“Who the fuck needs an avocado slicer? A person without any goddamn sense, that’s who.”
― Thug Kitchen LLC, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“The beans are done when at least five of them taste tender and are cooked through. One bean can be a fucking liar so taste a few.”
― Thug Kitchen LLC, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“ROASTED BEET AND QUINOA SALAD When beets are bad, they are really fucking gross. But roasted, these mother fuckers get sweet and delicious. Trust. MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4 AS A SIDE DRESSING 1 shallot or small onion, diced (about 2 tablespoons) 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard 3 tablespoons white wine, balsamic, or champagne vinegar ¼ cup olive oil SALAD 3 medium beets, peeled and chopped into small chunks (about 1½ cups) 1 teaspoon of whatever vinegar you used for the dressing 2 teaspoons olive oil Salt and ground pepper 2 cups water 1 cup quinoa, rinsed 1 cup kale, stems removed, sliced into thin strips ¼ cup diced fresh herbs* 1 Crank your oven to 400°F. Grab a rimmed baking sheet and have it on standby. 2 Make the dressing: Pour all the ingredients together in a jar and shake that shit up. 3 For the salad: In a medium bowl, toss the beets together with the vinegar, olive oil, and a pinch of salt. Your hands might get kinda red and bloody looking from the beets. Don’t worry about that shit; it will wash off, so quit complaining. Pour the mixture onto the baking sheet and roast for 20 minutes, stirring the beets halfway through. 4 While the beets roast up, bring the water to a boil in a medium pot. Add the quinoa. Once that shit starts boiling again, cover, and adjust the heat to low. Cook the quinoa at a slow simmer until it is tender, about 15 minutes. Just taste it and you’ll figure that shit out. Drain any extra water that remains in the pot and scoop the quinoa into a medium bowl. Fold the kale into the hot quinoa and then add the dressing. Add the fresh herb of your choice and mix well. 5 When the beets are done, fold those ruby red bitches right in to the quinoa. Add salt and pepper to taste. Serve this salad at room temperature or refrigerate until cold. * Dill, basil, and parsley all work well here. Use whichever of those you’ve got hanging out in the fridge”
― Thug Kitchen LLC, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“ROASTED BEET AND QUINOA SALAD When beets are bad, they are really fucking gross. But roasted, these mother fuckers get sweet and delicious. Trust. MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4 AS A SIDE DRESSING 1 shallot or small onion, diced (about 2 tablespoons) 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard 3 tablespoons white wine, balsamic, or champagne vinegar ¼ cup olive oil SALAD 3 medium beets, peeled and chopped into small chunks (about 1½ cups) 1 teaspoon of whatever vinegar you used for the dressing 2 teaspoons olive oil Salt and ground pepper 2 cups water 1 cup quinoa, rinsed 1 cup kale, stems removed, sliced into thin strips”
― Thug Kitchen LLC, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“And did you know that liquid measurements aren’t the same as dry measurements? Fucking ridiculous, right? If you try to measure out 1 cup of water in that scoop you measure flour in, it will come up short because you can’t go all the way to the top without spilling. Grab one of those glass measuring cups for liquids at the store and handle your shit right.”
― Thug Kitchen, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“HOMEMADE CROUTONS”
― Thug Kitchen, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“Studies have found that people who eat more than five servings of fruits and vegetables per day have a 20 percent lower risk of coronary heart disease compared with people who ate three servings or less.”
― Thug Kitchen, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“Math tip: Beans tend to triple in size when you cook them, so if you want to end up with 1½ cups of cooked beans (the standard can measurement), you want to start with ½ cup dried beans.”
― Thug Kitchen, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“When you’re ready to cook the beans, drain the soaking water and throw the beans in a pot. You can add some carrots, onions, celery, or bay leaves for flavor, but that shit is not required. Add a bunch of fresh water, about 3 times the height of the beans in the pot. Simmer this, uncovered, until the beans are tender. Add a couple pinches of salt in the last 10 minutes of cooking for flavor. Drain any extra liquid and toss out any sad-looking veggies in the pot and store the cooked beans in the fridge or freezer until you’re ready”
― Thug Kitchen, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“First, pick through the dried beans and throw out any that look fucked up, then rinse the winners. Put them in a big container and cover with a couple inches of water. They’re going to swell up as they soak and you don’t want those bastards sticking up out the water. Soak them overnight or for at least 4 hours. This will help cut down on your cook time. Throw them in the water before you go to work and then they’re ready to cook when you get home.”
― Thug Kitchen, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“The steps are the same regardless of what bean you’re making, only the cooking time changes. Here are some guidelines, but trust your taste. The beans are done when at least five of them taste tender and are cooked through. One bean can be a fucking liar so taste a few. Keep simmering until you get there. Simple shit.”
― Thug Kitchen, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“After you have been doing this a bit, you won’t have to work so hard and dinner will take no time at all. Future you will crush it in the kitchen.”
― Thug Kitchen, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“you don’t like an ingredient, say mushrooms, then don’t try a recipe where the main ingredient is a motherfucking mushroom. And don’t go thinking you can just leave out some core ingredient like that and the dish will still work out. That shit is not going to fly in any recipe. EVER. Either try to live your life without making that dish (be strong), or substitute something else and accept the risks.”
― Thug Kitchen, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“you’ll realize you can’t substitute basil for spinach in a salad because spinach is a main ingredient, but you can add spinach in place of some basil when you are making pesto because that is just one flavor component.”
― Thug Kitchen, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“When you are switching things out, consider how some ingredients have different cooking times, or contain more or less liquid—which can change the whole dish’s taste or consistency.”
― Thug Kitchen, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“Taste while you’re cooking, not right before you are about to serve it when it’s too late to change shit.”
― Thug Kitchen, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“And did you know that liquid measurements aren’t the same as dry measurements? Fucking ridiculous, right? If you try to measure out 1 cup of water in that scoop you measure flour in, it will come up short because you can’t go all the way to the top without spilling. Grab one of those glass measuring cups for liquids at the store and handle your shit right. Keep the liquid stuff in the liquid measure and the dry stuff in the dry measure and you’re good to fucking go.”
― Thug Kitchen, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“Here is a cheat sheet of what equals what so you can just use another tool instead of fucking shit up:”
― Thug Kitchen, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“The first rule of Thug Kitchen is: Read the recipe.”
― Thug Kitchen, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“Quinoa”
― Thug Kitchen, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“MAPLE-OAT BANANA BREAD”
― Thug Kitchen, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“The Harvard School of Public Health found that regularly skipping breakfast increases the risk of a heart attack and heart disease by over 25 percent.”
― Thug Kitchen, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“Also, if your dish looks generally fucked up, just sprinkle on some chopped fresh herbs like parsley, basil, or cilantro at the end and it will look all artisan and shit. Works every time.”
― Thug Kitchen LLC, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck

“Most store-bought granola is more sugar than oats. Why not just buy a jar of sprinkles for your breakfast and save yourself the trouble?”
― Thug Kitchen LLC, Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck