Beyond Anger Quotes

“Many men find themselves unable to cope with even minor frustration. They get angry over trivial things, such as a broken pencil lead or an overcooked hamburger. Their anger erupts and gets out of control. They feel as though they are constantly under attack, that everyone is out to get them, and that nobody understands or cares about them. They may even get superstitious and believe that fate has it in for them, or that God has turned against them. This feeling of having no control leads to a state of continual frustration and anger.

This tendency to react with instant anger can be called rage. Rage is anger that never completely goes away. Unlike regular anger, it is not a response to a specific event; rather, it is a response set, or tendency. In other words, it is an automatic way of reacting to the world without much thought. When you react to more and more situations with anger, it becomes your habitual response. You may often find yourself furiously yelling or seething inside without even knowing what it was that made you so angry. Rage sees personal attack in every disagreement. Rage causes you to feel threatened when there is no threat. And rage causes you to viciously counter-attack even a minor threat.

Rage is like a wounded animal. It attacks anything that moves. And as with a wounded animal, the attacks do nothing to ease the pain. Rage depersonalizes individual people and events into a faceless, nameless "them".”
― Thomas J. Harbin, Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life

“This intense desire to control is an attempt to maintain dignity in spite of low self-regard. Think about it. In addition to keeping everything safe, the exercise of power temporarily boosts angry men's low self-esteem. [...] Like many kings and other powerful people, however, angry men will soon doubt the affection of those they control. They will always wonder if they are "really" loved by family members, or if their family is just acting that way out of fear.”
― Thomas J. Harbin, Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life

“Denial is a short-term solution that provides temporary comfort.”
― Thomas J. Harbin, Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life

“One of the differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness is deciding which battles are worth fighting and which are not.”
― Thomas J. Harbin, Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life

“Which takes more courage: to rigidly and inflexibly defend a principle, or to demonstrate a sense of perspective and willingness to compromise or walk away from a senseless argument?”
― Thomas J. Harbin, Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life

“today's heavy emphasis on competition and humiliation of your "opponent" (whether in sports, business, or family), our culture sets men up for anger and unhappiness.”
― Thomas J. Harbin, Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life