Thank You, Jeeves Quotes

“I mean, if you're asking a fellow to come out of a room so that you can dismember him with a carving knife, it's absurd to tack a 'sir' on to every sentence. The two things don't go together.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Thank You, Jeeves

“You can’t tell me if there are any special subjects to avoid when talking to him, can you?’ ‘Special subjects?’ ‘Well, you know how it is with a stranger. You say it’s a fine day, and he goes all white and tense, because you’ve reminded him that it was on a fine day that his wife eloped with the chauffeur.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Thank You, Jeeves

“He made a noise like a pig swallowing half a cabbage,”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Thank You, Jeeves

“For a time the broken heart, and then suddenly the healing conviction that one is jolly well out of it.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Thank You, Jeeves

“You don’t get any five shillings out of me.’ ‘Oh, all right.’ He sat silent for a space. ‘Things happen to guys that don’t kick in their protection money,’ he said dreamily.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Thank You, Jeeves

“Let us say, then, that at some point—five, ten, fifteen, or it may have been twenty minutes later—I became aware of somebody coughing softly at my side like a respectful sheep trying to attract the attention of its shepherd, and with how can I describe what thankfulness and astonishment I perceived Jeeves.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Thank You, Jeeves

“It may work, Jeeves. It is, at least, worth trying. I shall now leave you, to prepare myself for the ordeal before me with silent meditation.’ ‘Your tea will be here in a moment, sir.’ ‘No, Jeeves. This is no time for tea. I must concentrate.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Thank You, Jeeves

“As two-seaters go, I had always found mine fairly comfortable, but then I had never before tried to get the eight hours in it, and you would be surprised at the number of knobs and protuberances which seem suddenly to sprout out of a car's upholstery when you seek to convert it into a bed.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Thank You, Jeeves

“I did not rush in with the vim I would have displayed a year or so earlier, before Life had made me the grim, suspicious man I am to-day:”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Thank You, Jeeves

“Those who know Bertram Wooster best are aware that he is a man of sudden, strong enthusiasms and that, when in the grip of one of these, he becomes a remorseless machine—tense, absorbed, single-minded.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Thank You, Jeeves

“The effect now was much the same as if I had been listening in to a dramatic sketch on the wireless. I got the voices, but I missed the play of expression. And I’d have given a lot to be able to see it. Not Jeeves’s, of course, because Jeeves never has any.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Thank You, Jeeves

“Then they appeared to ooze off, for all became quiet save for the lapping of the waves on the shore. And, by Jove, so sedulously did these waves lap that gradually a drowsiness crept over me and not ten minutes after I had made up my mind that I should never get to sleep again in this world I was off as comfortably as a babe or suckling.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Thank You, Jeeves

“You should have seen him. Such a kind smile. He said you would be delighted to help me.’ ‘He did, eh?’ ‘He spoke most highly of you.’ ‘Really?’ ‘Oh, yes, he thinks a lot of you. I remember his very words. “Mr Wooster, miss,” he said, “is, perhaps, mentally somewhat negligible, but he has a heart of gold.” He said that as he was lowering me from the side of the boat by a rope, having first made sure that the coast was clear. I couldn’t dive, you see, because of the splash.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Thank You, Jeeves

“I have had a fatiguing day, and I feel a need for the lights and the wine. Both of these, I should imagine, may be had in Bristol. And there ought to be a show of some kind playing there, don't you think? It's one of the Number One touring towns.'

He sighed slightly. All this talk of my going to shows was distressing him. What he really wanted was to see me sprinting down Park Lane with the mob after me with dripping knives.”
― P.G. Wodehouse , Thank You, Jeeves

“Você pode levar Maomé até o altar, Jeeves, mas não pode forçá-lo a casar com a montanha”
― wodehouse-p-g, Thank You, Jeeves

“Upon Mr Stoker replying that he did not care what he had promised or what he had not promised and continuing to asseverate that not a penny of his money should be expended in the direction indicated, his lordship, I regret to say, became somewhat unguarded in his speech.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Thank You, Jeeves

“I can conceive that after what occurred in New York it might be distressing for you to encounter Miss Stoker, sir. But I fancy the contingency need scarcely arise.’ I weighed this. ‘When you start talking about contingencies arising, Jeeves, the brain seems to flicker and I rather miss the gist. Do you mean that I ought to be able to keep out of her way?”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Thank You, Jeeves