Absolutely Positively Not Quotes

“Of course! That was it! I didn't need a tattoo. What I needed was something a lot less expensive and considerably less painful. What I needed was a Playboy. Guys who are gay do not keep Playboy magazines in their bedrooms.”
― David LaRochelle, Absolutely Positively Not

“I tried to think of a good reason as to why I had a sex book down my pants, but my brain refused to work.”
― David LaRochelle, Absolutely Positively Not

“Rachel's mother slipped her arm around his waist. "Steven was just telling us about being gay, Fred."

Rachel's father smiled and reached down to shake my hand. "Way to go, Steven. Just remember, safe sex, safe sex, safe sex.”
― David LaRochelle, Absolutely Positively Not

“As Mrs. Moe explained how triangle ABC was congruent to triangle ABD, my mind kept wandering back to Mr. Bowman’s smile. And his arms. And his sharply creased dark gray cotton pants. Mr. Bowman was congruent to the best-looking guy on any late-night cable drama.”
― David LaRochelle, Absolutely, Positively Not

“No you are not. You are much too young to be gay.”
― David LaRochelle, Absolutely Positively Not

“Kelly's mother was a bitch and her father was run over by the motor home when he chased a squirrel into the street, but I figured that was more information than my mother needed to know.”
― David LaRochelle, Absolutely Positively Not

“I quickly discovered three distinct traits about my tablemates:
They hit each other a lot.
They swore a lot.
They belched a lot.”
― David LaRochelle, Absolutely Positively Not

“the”
― David LaRochelle, Absolutely, Positively Not