Dysfunctional Families Quotes

“My parents thought I was the Good Little Girl, because that’s who they wanted me to be.  For decades during my adult life, I was a doormat because they had trained me to be totally responsive to other people’s needs with no consideration for my own.  I do enjoy giving to other people, but when it’s required over a long period of time, the joy leaves, quickly replaced by total burnout. I’ve come to realize that I can have a good heart and be deeply compassionate without being a doormat.  And I can give to other people, as long as I give to myself as well.”
― Katherine Mayfield, Dysfunctional Families: The Truth Behind the Happy Family Facade

“The Divine Energy of the Universe doesn’t know limitation.  Whatever it is that you want to have in your life, this source energy can always create more of it.  So, even if something seems to be lacking, more of it can always be created.  We were made to live in alignment with our desires.  All it takes is letting go of the old, and allowing the possibilities to unfold.”
― Katherine Mayfield, Dysfunctional Families: The Truth Behind the Happy Family Facade

“Trust yourself.  You are the only person who knows what nourishes you.  Happy creating!  And may the Force be with you.”
― Katherine Mayfield, Dysfunctional Families: The Truth Behind the Happy Family Facade

“But remember that this is a dysfunctional pattern, born of misunderstanding and misinterpretation.  We can’t know what others truly need, but with a little investigation, we can find out what nourishes us, and place our focus there.  Then we become a role model for others – when we see someone nourishing themselves, we tend to allow more space in our lives to do that for ourselves.”
― Katherine Mayfield, Dysfunctional Families: The Truth Behind the Happy Family Facade

“The reason that taking care of others doesn’t work is that no one knows what another person needs to feel nourished (unless they can tell us clearly and directly, and in dysfunctional families, they usually don’t).  We end up guessing:  “Oh, I think this would help.”  “It seems to me that he needs that.”  But we can’t guess what would truly nourish another person.  He or she may not even know themselves.”
― Katherine Mayfield, Dysfunctional Families: The Truth Behind the Happy Family Facade

“This runs a little contrary to the way we think affirmations should work, because when we’re in a great mood, or getting what we want, we don’t think about creating more of it.  But this is exactly the time to create more of it – to expand that good feeling, to extend those good thoughts, to send that energy out into the Universe to create more of what you want.”
― Katherine Mayfield, Dysfunctional Families: The Truth Behind the Happy Family Facade

“What we need to do in order to get more of what we want is to re-train our brains.  This is why affirmations often only work to a certain degree:  with affirmations, we attempt to reprogram our brains with words and concepts, whereas the original imprinted information was also related to our actions and behavior.  Bodies remember even more than minds do.  And in fact, most children understand actions and behavior more than they understand words and concepts.  So we need to incorporate actions and behavior into the work of reprogramming the brain. One way to do this is to make a practice of telling yourself “I can get what I want” before you do something that you know you’re going to get.  If you’re going out to dinner, tell yourself, “I want to go out to dinner” before you go.  Then remind yourself afterwards, “I got what I wanted.  Therefore, I can get what I want.”  It sounds silly, but in essence, you’re reprogramming your brain by creating an affirmation that is true for you in the moment, one that you can feel and experience on every level of your being (physical, emotional, spiritual, mental).”
― Katherine Mayfield, Dysfunctional Families: The Truth Behind the Happy Family Facade

“So if you’ve always been a “giver,” take some time for yourself in your life – to stop, be still, to allow the Universe to nourish you. We all deserve nourishment, even if we were taught those many years ago that we didn’t.  And if you give it permission, the Universe is happy to provide.”
― Katherine Mayfield, Dysfunctional Families: The Truth Behind the Happy Family Facade

“I grew up with parents who were very emotionally needy.  I imagine that they didn’t get much love when they were small, and when they had kids, for whatever reason, they looked to us for their comfort and love and attention, rather than seeking it from each other. As a result, I didn’t get much emotional nourishment myself.  I grew up being a “giver,” but never learning much about how to receive. I truly believe in giving, but if we don’t know how to let ourselves be nourished, we can quickly become very burned out.”
― Katherine Mayfield, Dysfunctional Families: The Truth Behind the Happy Family Facade

“When “I don’t want to” shows up, it reminds me that I need to nourish myself – that I need to open myself to the good things in life, to have fun and express my creative spirit. It’s a clue to what I’m missing, and when I let go of the struggle, I can allow myself the freedom to enjoy. Willingness is not easy, but it’s a spiritual practice that has put me much more deeply in touch with myself and with the workings of the Universe.  And my life has not only gotten easier, but enlightenment flows in effortlessly. It has opened a new door into my mind, into my soul.”
― Katherine Mayfield, Dysfunctional Families: The Truth Behind the Happy Family Facade

“My parents were deeply committed to service in the community – their willingness manifested in their volunteering and giving to others.  But at home, the “struggle against” was pervasive because they never learned in their own dysfunctional families how to nourish themselves and other family members.”
― Katherine Mayfield, Dysfunctional Families: The Truth Behind the Happy Family Facade

“the fact that because I grew up in a dysfunctional family where there was a lot of tension and conflict, I have a tendency to fall into feeling like there’s conflict all around me even when there isn’t. Because struggle was a part of my life from day one, sometimes I unthinkingly create drama in my mind because it feels like “home.”  I forget that things can be easy, that life can go smoothly, and that I can get what I want.”
― Katherine Mayfield, Dysfunctional Families: The Truth Behind the Happy Family Facade

“And I wonder:  is there a connection between high expectations and confidence, between low expectations and low self-esteem?”
― Katherine Mayfield, Dysfunctional Families: The Truth Behind the Happy Family Facade

“Growing up in a very dysfunctional family, I learned early in my life not to have high expectations. As a consequence, my ideas didn’t often pan out.  I guess I figured that if I didn’t expect much, I wouldn’t be disappointed.  But instead, I ended up being disappointed most of the time.”
― Katherine Mayfield, Dysfunctional Families: The Truth Behind the Happy Family Facade

“When the source of the anger is understood and enough of the old feelings are released, the natural force behind the anger can be transmuted into intention.  When the anger is fully expressed over time, the powerful energy that was used first to deny that it existed, then to facilitate its expression, still remains.  This energy can be transformed into strength of purpose, power of intention to shape life the way we want it to be.”
― Katherine Mayfield, Dysfunctional Families: The Truth Behind the Happy Family Facade

“This is the way out of helplessness and hopelessness. By following the thread of the anger back to its original source, and allowing the anger to express freely in a healthy manner, a seeker begins to understand why life appears to be the way it is (hint: we learn our worldview by mimicking someone else’s, or we believe what they taught us about ourselves and the world without investigating for ourselves whether it’s true or not).”
― Katherine Mayfield, Dysfunctional Families: The Truth Behind the Happy Family Facade