Nonviolent Communication Quotes

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Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg
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Nonviolent Communication Quotes Showing 1-30 of 154
“What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in the derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves. As author and mythologist Joseph Campbell suggested, "'What will they think of me?' must be put aside for bliss." We begin to feel this bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“My theory is that we get depressed because we’re not getting what we want, and we’re not getting what we want because we have never been taught to get what we want. Instead, we’ve been taught to be good little boys and girls and good mothers and fathers. If we’re going to be one of those good things, better get used to being depressed. Depression is the reward we get for being “good.” But, if you want to feel better, I’d like you to clarify what you would like people to do to make life more wonderful for you.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“peace cannot be built on the foundations of fear.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“As we’ve seen, all criticism, attack, insults, and judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message. The more we practice in this way, the more we realize a simple truth: behind all those messages we’ve allowed ourselves to be intimidated by are just individuals with unmet needs appealing to us to contribute to their well-being. When we receive messages with this awareness, we never feel dehumanized by what others have to say to us. We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves. As”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
“Two Questions That Reveal the Limitations of Punishment

Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment to change people’s behavior.
The first question is: What do I want this person to do that’s different from what he or she is currently doing?
If we ask only this first question, punishment may seem effective, because the threat or exercise of punitive force may well influence someone’s behavior. However, with the second question, it becomes evident that punishment isn’t likely to work: What do I want this person’s reasons to be for doing what I’m asking?”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“When we are in contact with our feelings and needs, we humans no longer make good slaves and underlings.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“Advising: “I think you should … “ “How come you didn’t … ?” One-upping: “That’s nothing; wait’ll you hear what happened to me.” Educating: “This could turn into a very positive experience for you if you just … “ Consoling: “It wasn’t your fault; you did the best you could.” Story-telling: “That reminds me of the time … “ Shutting down: “Cheer up. Don’t feel so bad.” Sympathizing: “Oh, you poor thing … “ Interrogating: “When did this begin?” Explaining: “I would have called but … “ Correcting: “That’s not how it happened.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“In this stage, which I refer to as emotional slavery, we believe ourselves responsible for the feelings of others. We think we must constantly strive to keep everyone happy. If they don’t appear happy, we feel responsible and compelled to do something about it. This can easily lead us to see the very people who are closest to us as burdens.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“the more you become a connoisseur of gratitude, the less you are a victim of resentment, depression, and despair. Gratitude will act as an elixir that will gradually dissolve the hard shell of your ego—your need to possess and control—and transform you into a generous being. The sense of gratitude produces true spiritual alchemy, makes us magnanimous—large souled. —Sam Keen, philosopher”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
“What some of us call lazy some call tired or easy-going, what some of us call stupid some just call a different knowing, so I’ve come to the conclusion, it will save us all confusion if we don’t mix up what we can see with what is our opinion. Because you may, I want to say also; I know that’s only my opinion. —Ruth Bebermeyer”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“Blaming and punishing others are superficial expressions of anger.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“Perhaps you are surprised that I regard praise and compliments to be life-alienating. Notice, however, that appreciation expressed in this form reveals little of what’s going on in the speaker; it establishes the speaker as someone who sits in judgment. I define judgments—both positive and negative—as life-alienating communication.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging,”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“I am not easily frightened. Not because I am brave but because I know that I am dealing with human beings, and that I must try as hard as I can to understand everything that anyone ever does. And that was the real import of this morning: not that a disgruntled young Gestapo officer yelled at me, but that I felt no indignation, rather a real compassion,”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“Let’s shine the light of consciousness on places where we can hope to find what we are seeking.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“This world is what we have made of it. If it is ruthless today it is because we have made it ruthless by our attitudes. If we change ourselves we can change the world, and changing ourselves begins with changing our language and methods of communication. I highly recommend reading this book and applying the Nonviolent Communication process it teaches. It is a significant first step toward changing our communication and creating a compassionate world. –Arun Gandhi”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“Anger is a result of life-alienating thinking that is disconnected from needs. It indicates that we have moved up to our head to analyze and judge somebody rather than focus on what we are needing and not getting.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“Life-alienating communication both stems from and supports hierarchical or domination societies, where large populations are controlled by a small number of individuals to those individuals, own benefit. It would be in the interest of kings, czars, nobles, and so forth that the masses be educated in a way that renders them slavelike in mentality. The language of wrongness, should, and have to is perfectly suited for this purpose: the more people are trained to think in terms of moralistic judgments that imply wrongness and badness, the more they are being trained to look outside themselves—to outside authorities—for the definition of what constitutes right, wrong, good, and bad. When we are in contact with our feelings and needs, we humans no longer make good slaves and underlings.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
“As is often the case, these groups were more skilled in analyzing the perceived wrongness of others than in clearly expressing their own needs.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“there is considerably less violence in cultures where people think in terms of human needs than in cultures where people label one another as “good” or “bad” and believe that the “bad” ones deserve to be punished. In”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“When I behaved in the way which I now regret, what need of mine was I trying to meet?” I”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
“when people hear anything that sounds like criticism, they tend to invest their energy in self-defense or counterattack. If we wish for a compassionate response from others, it is self-defeating to express our needs by interpreting or diagnosing their behavior. Instead, the more directly we can connect our feelings to our own needs, the easier it is for others to respond to us compassionately.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
“MBR: In my lifetime I’ve been called a multitude of names, yet I can’t recall seriously learning anything by being told what I am. I’d like to learn from your appreciation and enjoy it, but I would need more information.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
“my partner wants more affection than I’m giving her, she is “needy and dependent.” But if I want more affection than she is giving me, then she is “aloof and insensitive.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

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