Nonviolent Communication Quotes

“However, the most powerful way to communicate that we are making a genuine request is to empathize with people when they don’t agree to the request.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships

“When we address a group without being clear what we are wanting back, unproductive discussions will often follow. However, if even one member of a group is conscious of the importance of clearly requesting the response that is desired, he or she can extend this consciousness to the group.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships

“When we first begin asking others to reflect back what they hear us say, it may feel awkward and strange because such requests are rarely made. When I emphasize the importance of our ability to ask for reflections, people often express reservations. They are worried about reactions like, “What do you think I am—deaf?” or, “Quit playing your psychological games.” To prevent such responses, we can explain to people ahead of time why we may sometimes ask them to reflect back our words. We make clear that we’re not testing their listening skills, but checking out whether we’ve expressed ourselves clearly. However, should the listener retort, “I heard what you said; I’m not stupid!” we have the option to focus on the listener’s feelings and needs and ask—either aloud or silently—“Are you saying you’re feeling annoyed because you want respect for your ability to understand things?”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships

“It is more common, however, for people to talk without being conscious of what they are asking for. “I’m not requesting anything,” they might remark. “I just felt like saying what I said.” My belief is that, whenever we say something to another person, we are requesting something in return. It may simply be an empathic connection—a verbal or nonverbal acknowledgment, as with the man on the train, that our words have been understood. Or we may be requesting honesty: we wish to know the listener’s honest reaction to our words. Or we may be requesting an action that we hope would fulfill our needs. The clearer we are on what we want back from the other person, the more likely it is that our needs will be met.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships

“A couple in distress attending a workshop provides an additional illustration of how nonspecific language can hamper understanding and communication. “I want you to let me be me,” the woman declared to her husband. “I do!” he retorted. “No, you don’t!” she insisted. Asked to express herself in positive action language, the woman replied, “I want you to give me the freedom to grow and be myself.” Such a statement, however, is just as vague and likely to provoke a defensive response. She struggled to formulate her request clearly, and then admitted, “It’s kind of awkward, but if I were to be precise, I guess what I want is for you to smile and say that anything I do is okay.” Often, the use of vague and abstract language can mask oppressive interpersonal games.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships

“When we express our needs indirectly through the use of evaluations, interpretations, and images, others are likely to hear criticism. And when people hear anything that sounds like criticism, they tend to invest their energy in self-defense or counterattack. If we wish for a compassionate response from others, it is self-defeating to express our needs by interpreting or diagnosing their behavior. Instead, the more directly we can connect our feelings to our own needs, the easier it is for others to respond to us compassionately.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships

“Note the difference between the following expressions of disappointment: Example 1 A: “You disappointed me by not coming over last evening.” B: “I was disappointed when you didn’t come over, because I wanted to talk over some things that were bothering me.” Speaker A attributes responsibility for his disappointment solely to another person’s action. Speaker B traces his feeling of disappointment to his own unfulfilled desire.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships

“How we are likely to feel when our needs are being met absorbed adventurous affectionate alert alive amazed amused animated appreciative ardent aroused astonished blissful breathless buoyant calm carefree cheerful comfortable complacent composed concerned confident contented cool curious dazzled delighted eager ebullient ecstatic effervescent elated enchanted encouraged energetic engrossed enlivened enthusiastic excited exhilarated expansive expectant exultant fascinated free friendly fulfilled glad gleeful glorious glowing good-humored grateful gratified happy helpful hopeful inquisitive inspired intense interested intrigued invigorated involved joyous, joyful jubilant keyed-up loving mellow merry mirthful moved optimistic overjoyed overwhelmed peaceful perky pleasant pleased proud quiet radiant rapturous refreshed relaxed relieved satisfied secure sensitive serene spellbound splendid stimulated surprised tender thankful thrilled touched tranquil trusting upbeat warm wide-awake wonderful zestful How we are likely to feel when our needs are not being met afraid aggravated agitated alarmed aloof angry anguished annoyed anxious apathetic apprehensive aroused ashamed beat bewildered bitter blah blue bored brokenhearted chagrined cold concerned confused cool cross dejected depressed despairing despondent detached disaffected disappointed discouraged disenchanted disgruntled disgusted disheartened dismayed displeased disquieted distressed disturbed downcast downhearted dull edgy embarrassed embittered exasperated exhausted fatigued fearful fidgety forlorn frightened frustrated furious gloomy guilty harried heavy helpless hesitant horrible horrified hostile hot humdrum hurt impatient indifferent intense irate irked irritated jealous jittery keyed-up lazy leery lethargic listless lonely mad mean miserable mopey morose mournful nervous nettled numb overwhelmed panicky passive perplexed pessimistic puzzled rancorous reluctant repelled resentful restless sad scared sensitive shaky shocked skeptical sleepy sorrowful sorry spiritless startled surprised suspicious tepid terrified tired troubled uncomfortable unconcerned uneasy unglued unhappy unnerved unsteady upset uptight vexed weary wistful withdrawn woeful worried wretched Summary”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships

“I earnestly believe, however, that an important form of self-compassion is to make choices motivated purely by our desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, duty, or obligation.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships

“mythologist Joseph Campbell suggested, “‘What will they think of me?’ must be put aside for bliss.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships

“Temos quatro opções quando escutamos uma mensagem difícil: 1. Culpar a nós mesmos; 2. Culpar os outros; 3. Perceber nossos próprios sentimentos e necessidades; 4. Perceber os sentimentos e necessidades dos outros.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Comunicação não-violenta: Técnicas para aprimorar relacionamentos pessoais e profissionais

“NVC Process The concrete actions we observe that affect our well-being How we feel in relation to what we observe The needs, values, desires, etc. that create our feelings The concrete actions we request in order to enrich our lives”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships

“Marshall, I wish you had taught me two years ago what you taught me this morning. I wouldn’t have had to kill my best friend.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships

“This difficulty in identifying and expressing feelings is common, and in my experience, especially so among lawyers, engineers, police officers, corporate managers, and career military personnel—people whose professional codes discourage them from manifesting emotions.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others, so you will yourselves be judged”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

“I had just completed a workshop with more than a hundred participants, all of whom had evaluated it very highly, with the exception of one person.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

“Hearing all three pieces of information—what I did, how she felt, and what needs of hers were fulfilled—I could then celebrate the appreciation with her.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

“Participant: I have this eighteen-year-old son whom I haven’t been able to communicate with.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

“MBR: And now I’d like to know what needs of yours were fulfilled by my saying those two things.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

“Participant: Hopeful and relieved.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

“MBR: Next, I’d like to know how you feel in conjunction to my having said those two things.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

“MBR: Ah, so it’s my saying those two things that you appreciate.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

“It was these two things you said.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

“MBR: I’m not able to get as much out of your appreciation as I would like.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

“the actions that have contributed to our well-being”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

“NVC clearly distinguishes three components in the expression of appreciation:”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

“it establishes the speaker as someone who sits in judgment.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life