Statue of Limitations Quotes

“Ever since Gwenyth Paltrow got a new face sewn on to replace her original one that was destroyed by some hippy cure involving snake venom and organic battery acid, every mommyblogger on the planet wanted their doctor to find a cadaver on the down-low. Yoga classes looked like a demented Texas Chainsaw Massacre sequel these days.”
― Jon Konrath, Statue of Limitations

“In March, Taco Bell announced they were reducing their menu to two items: plain tacos and Mountain Dew Baja Blast. Everything else would be retired and removed, and they planned a large funeral service where burritos, quesadillas, Mexican pizzas, chalupas, Crunchwrap Supremes, and gorditas would be thrown in a mass grave and covered with lava sauce and concrete. In the next 24 hours, over 17,000 Taco Bell employees were killed or wounded in outbreaks of violence across the world. The Taco Bell corporation countered by announcing a global “We Fucked Up!” ad campaign and a new menu with 6,247 items on it, including hamburgers, taco burgers, pizza tacos, taco pizzas, hamburger taco pizzas, and at least 167 different variations on nachos, including breakfast nachos, dessert nachos, sport nachos, and a tater tot bacon pizza M&M meatloaf waffle fried chicken ice cream taco nachos.”
― Jon Konrath, Statue of Limitations