Boundaries for Codependents Quotes

“When our boundaries are intact, we know that we have separate feelings, thoughts, and realities. Our boundaries allow us to know who we are in relation to others around us. We need our boundaries to get close to others, since otherwise we would be overwhelmed. Boundaries ensure that our behavior is appropriate and keep us from offending others. When we have healthy boundaries, we also know when we are being abused. A person without boundaries will not know when someone is physically, emotionally, or intellectually violating them.”
― Rokelle Lerner, Boundaries for Codependents: Hazelden Classics for Families

“Intellectual boundaries are blurred by parents who too tightly control their children’s perceptions. Often, children who become dependent on their parents to think for them don’t develop intellectual boundaries. This kind of relationship encourages dependency and discourages responsibility.”
― Rokelle Lerner, Boundaries for Codependents: Hazelden Classics for Families

“Adults who were victims of emotional abuse must learn to trust their feelings. Feelings provide us with an immense amount of wisdom and information. Uncomfortable feelings that may have been dangerous to express in our original families are no longer dangerous. We have a right to be angry when someone offends us. Our fear protects us and even our pain helps us grow. For example, fear helps us know when we are in danger.”
― Rokelle Lerner, Boundaries for Codependents: Hazelden Classics for Families

“Realizing that their parents can’t tolerate anger, sadness, or pain, they learn to ignore and deny those feelings, according to Alice Miller, author of The Drama of the Gifted Child. Expressing these emotions means risking Mom’s love or making Dad sick. The emotions become enemies, and are numbed or feared.”
― Rokelle Lerner, Boundaries for Codependents: Hazelden Classics for Families

“When children focus on their parents and neglect themselves, they never develop the inner resources that help them to know how to feel, think, or behave in a given situation. This is the essence of codependency and a damaged boundary system.”
― Rokelle Lerner, Boundaries for Codependents: Hazelden Classics for Families

“Paying attention to her bodily cues would have forced the girl to admit both her fear and her reluctance to let her mother touch her. This pattern of denial, if not stopped, will continue past childhood. As an adult, she may lack the physical boundaries that would protect her from abuse. She will allow herself to be close to people who are not safe. Saddest of all, she won’t even trust her senses to know when abuse is occurring.”
― Rokelle Lerner, Boundaries for Codependents: Hazelden Classics for Families