Company Quotes

“There's no requirement that jobs be meaningful. If there was, half the country would be unemployed.”
― Max Barry, Company

“That's the thing you learn about values: they're what people make up to justify what they did.”
― Max Barry, Company

“Elizabeth is smart, ruthless, and emotionally damaged ... [i]f Elizabeth's brain was a person, it would have scars, tattoos, and be missing one eye.”
― Max Barry, Company

“You come to work every day but you hardly get to know anyone. I don't even know the names of half the people I see in the elevators. They say the company is a big family, but I don't know them. And even the people I do, like you two, and Elizabeth, and Roger - do I really? I mean, I like you guys, but we only ever talk about work. When I'm out with friends, or at home, I never talk about work. The other day, I tried to explain to my sister why it's such a huge deal that Elizabeth ate Roger's donut, and she thought I was insane. And you know what, I agreed with her. At home I couldn't even think why it mattered. Because I'm a different person at home. When I leave this place at night, I can feel myself changing. Like shifting gears in my head. And you guys don't know that; you just know what I'm like here, which is terrible, because I think I'm better away from work. I don't even like who I am here. Is that just me? Or is everyone different when they come to work? If they are, then what are they really like? How can we ever know? All we know are the Work People.”
― Max Barry, Company

“Monday morning and there's one less donut than there should be.

Keen observers note the reduced mass straightaway but stay silent, because saying, 'Hey, is that only six donuts?' would betray their donut experience. It's not great for your career to be known as the person who can spot the difference between six and seven donuts at a glance.”
― Max Barry, Company

“Sales is a business of relationships, and you must cultivate customers with tenderness and love, like cabbages in winter, even if the customer is an egomaniacal asshole you want to hit with a shovel.”
― Max Barry, Company

“Roger is a powerful, confident, good-looking man kept awake at nights by the heart-gripping fear that other people don't think he is powerful, confident, and good-looking.”
― Max Barry, Company

“It is a building designed by committee: all they have been able to agree on is that it should be rectangular, have windows, and not fall over.”
― Max Barry, Company

“Elizabeth puts her hands on her hips. Elizabeth has shoulder-length brown hair that looks as if it has been cut with a straight razor and a mouth that could have done the cutting. Elizabeth is smart, ruthless, and emotionally damaged; that is, she is a sales representative. If Elizabeth’s brain was a person, it would have scars, tattoos, and be missing one eye. ‘Do you want to ask me a question, Roger? Do you want to ask if I took your donut?”
― Max Barry, Company

“To succeed in sales, you need skills—not skills entirely consistent with moral integrity and emotional well-being, but skills nevertheless.”
― Max Barry, Company

“Roger picks up a sachet of sugar and shakes it as if it's in need of discipline: wap-wap-wap-wap.”
― Max Barry, Company

“If Elizabeth's brain was a person, it would have scars, tattoos, and be missing one eye.”
― Max Barry, Company

“Du weißt doch noch, die Leute beschweren sich immer beim Management, dass ihre Work-Life-Balance nicht mehr stimmt. Also, am nächsten Montag haben sie eine Personalversammlung zu diesem Thema angesetzt. Um acht Uhr früh.”
― Max Barry, Company

“Warum wollen sie unbedingt, dass ich den Auftrag storniere?' Der Mann klingt auf einmal misstrauisch. 'Seid ihr überbucht?'
'Ich will Ihnen nur helfen. Wirklich, unsere Kurse sind grottenschlecht. Es ist immer die gleiche Teamwork-Botschaft, nur unter verschiedenen Namen verpackt.'
'Ich hab nichts mit Teamwork bestellt. >Leitung von C++-Programmierern im Rahmen terminsensibler Projekte< - das wollte ich.'
'Das ist der Teamwork-Kurs. Und alle anderen sind auch der Teamwork-Kurs!”
― Max Barry, Company

“Verstehst du, im Grunde sind doch die Mitarbeiter das Problem. Du zahlst, wenn du sie einstellst, du zahlst, wenn du sie rausschmeißt, und dazwischen muss du sie auch noch bezahlen.”
― Max Barry, Company

“Last month we had to sit through a presentation on eliminating redundancy, and it was a bunch of PowerPoint slides, plus a guy reading out what was on the slides, and then he gave us all hard copies.”
― Max Barry, Company