Futility Closet Quotes

“Two atoms are walking down the street. One says, “Wait, I think I lost an electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first one says, “Yes, I’m positive.”
― Greg Ross, Futility Closet: An Idler's Miscellany of Compendious Amusements

“In 1891, Robert Louis Stevenson received a letter from a Vermont girl named Annie Ide. Her birthday fell on Christmas, she said, and she seldom received birthday presents. He replied with a document decreeing that “I, Robert Louis Stevenson, . . .in consideration that Miss Annie H. Ide, . . .was born, out of all reason, upon Christmas Day, and is therefore out of all justice denied the consolation and profit of a proper birthday; and considering that I, the said Robert Louis Stevenson, have attained an age when we never mention it, and that I have now no further use for a birthday of any description. . . . HAVE TRANSFERRED, and DO HEREBY TRANSFER, to the said Annie H. Ide, ALL AND WHOLE my rights and privileges in the thirteenth day of November, formerly my birthday, now, hereby, and henceforth, the birthday of the said Annie H. Ide, to have, hold, exercise, and enjoy the same in the customary manner, by the sporting of fine raiment, eating of rich meats, and receipt of gifts, compliments, and copies of verse, according to the manner of our ancestors.”
― Greg Ross, Futility Closet: An Idler's Miscellany of Compendious Amusements

“Space isn’t remote at all. It’s only an hour’s drive away if your car could go straight upwards. —Astronomer Fred Hoyle”
― Greg Ross, Futility Closet: An Idler's Miscellany of Compendious Amusements

“decemnovenarianize v. to act like a person of the 19th century”
― Greg Ross, Futility Closet: An Idler's Miscellany of Compendious Amusements

“Charlie Chaplin once lost a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest. He didn’t even make the finals. Afterward he told a reporter that he was “tempted to give lessons in the Chaplin walk, out of pity as well as in the desire to see the thing done correctly.”
― Greg Ross, Futility Closet: An Idler's Miscellany of Compendious Amusements

“After I’m dead I’d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.” —Cato the Elder”
― Greg Ross, Futility Closet: An Idler's Miscellany of Compendious Amusements