Gone Whalin' Quotes

“That gave the captain an idea. He would harass the shopkeeper until the constable showed up to arrest him, then surely, as an officer of the law, the constable would know where to go to claim rewards for outlaws. Cormac pointed out that this was indeed a good idea, but perhaps it might be easier to just go to the constable's office and ask him for the information, instead of going to the trouble of getting arrested. The captain dismissed Cormac's idea as a needless handwringing and began to make menacing gestures with Ziro's mop at the shopkeeper. Cormac then pointed out that the constable's office was actually on the next block, that he could see it from here, and maybe they should run right now because oh my God the dogs formed a semi-circle around us while we were distracted.”
― Conor Lastowka, Gone Whalin'

“The room appeared to have been optimistically designed to hold over a hundred whales, but aside from the two he'd already harpooned, the blocks of ice that kept the room cool, and a few jugs of surplus rum, it was empty.

"Hello!" shouted Captain Anson, who grinned as his voice echoed off the far walls of the storage area. "I love that sound," he chuckled.

"It sounds like a hollow reminder of our collective failure," said Ziro.

"Dammit, Ziro!”
― Conor Lastowka, Gone Whalin'

“Upping the school's X-Factor ranking was not something that was going to be accomplished by working nine to five. He would have to rise with the chickens, go to bed with the alcoholics, and think with the mental dexterity of some sort of alcoholic superchicken.”
― Conor Lastowka, Gone Whalin'

“Cissy had proven to be a major asset during the journey home. Fueled by journalistic pride and booze, she drove ahead of Cormac, honking at oncoming traffic to make sure that they allowed the Volvo ample clearance. At one point in time, she tried to lead them on a shortcut through a city park. Cormac didn't think the couch could handle an off-road journey, so he stuck to the road. Cissy later confirmed that she'd actually nodded off at the wheel. She said that she'd hit a goose, and would prefer not to discuss it.”
― Conor Lastowka, Gone Whalin'

“Surely micromanaging the school's ranking in "legacy admissions" was not as important as making sure another laughing-gas leak didn't happen in the Econ Building, right? And dammit, if losing a point here and there in "handicapped accessibility" meant that he could avoid another incident like the plane carrying the Women's Studies Department getting hijacked to Panama, he should by all means lose that point!

This confused the confused the tribunal, and Frampton realized that this particular incident was actually not due to occur for five more hours. He excused himself to make a frantic phone call in Spanish to an airborne contact, and that embarrassment was avoided. The Women's Studies Department could be dealt with later.”
― Conor Lastowka, Gone Whalin'

“The captain flinched as the harpoon shot out of the gun. At less than ten feet away, it should have easily pierced his skull, but out of all the poorly maintained equipment on the Levyathan, the harpoon gun Cormac had seized was quite possibly the shoddiest. The shaft was bent and the tension was set far too high. As the stock of the gun splintered into a dozen pieces, the harpoon shot out at nearly a ninety-degree angle. It sailed over the side of the ship where it struck the breaching whale directly in the blowhole, killing it instantly.”
― Conor Lastowka, Gone Whalin'

“Either Vance had engineered a prank of colossally stupid magnitude or he was dreaming. And though Cormac was almost certain it was the latter, part of him kind of hoped Vance had pulled it off. The ocean was over five hours away from the Harrrington campus. If Vance had somehow managed to transport him here, it would mean he was an actual supervillain.”
― Conor Lastowka, Gone Whalin'

“There, he convinced his crew to leave several days early, by using a shrewd bargaining technique known as "making promises he had no intention of keeping.”
― Conor Lastowka, Gone Whalin'