4000 decent very funny jokes Quotes

“Customer: “How much for this dog?” Dog dealer: “$5000” Customer: :”Is not that too much?” Dog dealer: “Is not the dog wonderful?” Customer: “Yes, the dog may be too wonderful but is he faithful also?” Dog dealer: “Yes sir! He had been faithful, I have sold him seven times and he had always been back within 12 hours!”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“2.    Teacher: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.       Student: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman!”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“  2387. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly!) ”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“A dog thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me... They must be gods!A cat thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me... I must be a god!”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“said, “Not so strong tonight, are you Batman?”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“What do u call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant.”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“What do u call a blonde with one brain cell? Intelligent. ”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“333. A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up. The blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt. "Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen." The surprised salesman replies, "But, madam, computers do not have curtains."  And the blonde said, "Helloooo.... I've got Windows!”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“1503. Husband: everytime I hit you, you never fight back. how do you manage your anger? Wife: I clean the toilet seat............. Husband: how does it help Wife: I use your toothbrush!”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“mach”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“A blind man enters a Ladies bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender: "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things:  1. The bartender is a blonde girl.  2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.  3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. blonde woman with a black belt in Karate.  4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a proffesional weightlifter.  5. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a proffesional wretler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and declares: "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times".”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“What should be in a book to make it a bestseller? Mike: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl!   8.”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“668. Bill Gates is at the beach when he discovers a bottle in the surf. He pulls out the cork and a Genie appears. The Genie says, “I have been trapped for 100 years. As a reward you can make a wish.” Gates thinks about it as he carries the bottle back to his beach cottage. Once there, he goes to a bookshelf, pulls out an atlas and turns to a map of theMiddle East. This area has seen conflict and suffering for hundreds of years. What I wish for is peace in the Middle East. The Genie replies, “I don’t know I can do a lot, but this? Don’t you have another wish?” Bill Gates thinks and finally says, OK. The whole world hates Microsoft because we have conquered the software market and because Windows still crashes. I wish you would make everybody love us. The Genie says, Let me see that map again.”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“666. Types of Woman: HARD-DISK woman: She remembers everything, FOREVER. RAM woman: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off. INTERNET woman: Difficult to access. SERVER woman: Always busy when you need her. CD-ROM woman: She is always faster and faster. EMAIL woman: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense. VIRUS woman: Also called “wife”; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don’t you will lose everything!”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“Once a plane crashed somewhere in the mountains, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand English and reply. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey. Officer: “When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?” Monkey: “Tying their belts” Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?” Monkey: “Saying Hello! Good morning!” Officer: “What were the pilots doing?” Monkey: “Checking the system” Officer: “What were you doing?” Monkey: “Looking for my people” Officer: “After 10 minutes what were the travelers doing?” Monkey: “Having beverages and snacks” Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?” Monkey: “Serving the travelers” Officer: “What were the Pilots doing?” Monkey: “Handling the steering” Officer: “What were you doing?” Monkey: “Eating & throwing” Officer: “After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?” Monkey: “Some were sleeping and some were reading” Officer: “What were the air hostesses ?” Monkey: “Make up” Officer: “What were the pilots doing?” Monkey: “Handling the steering” Officer: “What were you doing?” Monkey: “Nothing” Officer: “Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?” Monkey: “All were sleeping” Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?” Monkey: “Kissing the pilots” Officer: “What were the pilots doing?” Monkey: “Responding” Officer: “What were you doing?” Monkey: “Handling the steering !!!”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“A pair of chickens walks up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, “Buk Buk BUK.” The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them...and the chickens leave shortly thereafter. Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say, “Buk Buk BuKKOOK!” The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before. The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, “Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!” The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them. She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“Husband:  I want divorce. My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months. Lawyer: Think about it once again. Wives like that  are hard to  get!”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“1158. A girl came back home from the school and asked her grandmother, “Granny, what is a lover ?” “A lover!!” the grandmother said. “Let me think. Lov… Lover…. Oh, my God!” She rushed to the wall, pulled aside the hanging rug, revealing a hidden closet door. She unlocked the door, and a skeleton of a young man fell out from the closet.”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“Your Mama's So Old she went to an antique auction and three people bid on her! ”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“2386. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAÏVE! ”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes

“Karl came out of the exam hall very sad. When asked he said, ‘I didn’t know the past tense of THINK. I THOUGHT and THOUGHT and finally wrote THUNK!   12.”
― Olav Laudy, 4000 decent very funny jokes