Permission to Parent Quotes

“Children with too much influence often become anxious because they feel like they have to control their environment, and they really don’t know how.”
― Robin Berman, Permission to Parent: How to Raise Your Child with Love and Limits

“Labels and comparisons really are no-win. If it is a positive label, kids will always fear losing it. If it is a negative label, someone gets stuck with it.”
― Robin Berman, Permission to Parent: How to Raise Your Child with Love and Limits

“The best way to stop a little debater in his tracks is a tool I call reverse negotiation. It works like a charm. Here is how it is done: you tell your child that negotiating will no longer be tolerated. If you are thinking that it's not that simple, you would be right. But wait, there is more--you add that when your child negotiates, not only does he not get what he was asking for, but he gets less than what he started with. Let's give it a whirl:

PARENT: Bedtime is at eight.
CHILD: I want to stay up until eight thirty.
PARENT: No, it's eight.
CHILD: I want to stay up later.
PARENT: Now bedtime is seven forty-five.
CHILD: Fine, I'll take eight.
PARENT: Now bedtime is at seven thirty.”
― Robin Berman, Permission to Parent: How to Raise Your Child with Love and Limits

“Stuff is the booby prize of childhood.”
― Robin Berman, Permission to Parent: How to Raise Your Child with Love and Limits

“The bottom line is that kids with too much power feel unsafe. Children with too much influence often become anxious because they feel like they have to control their environment, and they really don’t know how. This stress triggers a cascade of toxic neurochemistry. Creating situations in which a child’s developing brain is consistently bathed in the stress hormone cortisol is not a wise parenting move.”
― Robin Berman, Permission to Parent: How to Raise Your Child with Love and Limits