The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw Quotes

“Ha! Good luck, lady!" Gustav laughed and tapped his thick index finger against his temple. "No one knows what goes on inside this head. Not even me.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw

“I'll show Dunky he's not the only one in the family who can rush foolishly into danger!”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw

“I regret no words," Frederic said. "i love words. and the words i just spoke were the truth. you are a coward, because only a coward would rather defenestrate a helpless old man than face me in a fair fight."
"I wasn't gonna defenish-"
"Defenestrate."
"Yeah, I wasn't gonna defenestrate him," the winghaired man said. "I was gonna throw him out the window.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw

“Wow," a man said. "The song made you sound like an average loser, but in reality you were a horribly pathetic loser.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw

“Accidents happen. I will, um . . . I will pay to have your house rebuilt."
"And my barn?" a woman called out.
Liam sighed. "Yes, and your barn, too."
"And my golden carousel?" shouted another man. "Will you pay for that?"
Liam raised an eyebrow. "The giant smashed your golden carousel?"
"No," said the man. "I'd just like to have a golden carousel.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw

“Everybody, listen!” he shouted to the far-off crowds. “Rundark has super-powerful magical bombs. And they will be headed straight toward those giant vision orbs you’re watching. You need to get as far away from those orbs as possible!”
And all around the Thirteen Kingdoms, seven people turned away from the orbs and fled. Yes, that’s right: seven. The thousands of others stayed glued to the action. They’d discovered a new form of moving-picture entertainment, and nothing was going to tear them away”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw

“And so the Thirteen Kingdoms were liberated from Darian rule. Well, all except Eïsborg, which people always tend to forget about. It’s very far north. And barely anybody lives there, anyway. We even forget to put it on the map in the first book. The fifteen Darians stationed there would end up sitting around for two and half years wondering why their vision orb never turned on anymore.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw

“Can odds be evened?" Duncan asked. "That just sounds wrong.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw

“He released the hat into a gust of chill March wind and watched it soar high up into the clouds, where it was eventually adopted by a flock of passing geese.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw

“falsetto, “It doesn’t matter what I think, ’cause I’m a girl! Blah,”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw

“Glances were exchanged around the table. There were some uneasy winces, a couple of ambivalent shrugs, a few determined nods, and one delighted giggle (but only because Duncan had spotted another funny caterpillar).”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw

“Listen dear hearts to the tale I now sing, / of bad guys from Dar and something something!” He stopped and scratched his chin. “I should probably only use one ‘something.”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw

“Erik the Mauve”
― Christopher Healy, The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw