Basket Case Quotes

“For now, there's nothing to do but strap on an attitude and act like I'm having a ball.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Basket Case

“Three beers is not drinking, Jack.” He has counted the bottles on the floor. “Three beers is sulking.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Basket Case

“I make her as jittery as a gerbil in a cobra pit.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Basket Case

“A brief snapshot of Race Maggad III: rangy and blond, with a smooth plump-looking chin, narrow green eyes and a tan as smooth as peanut butter. His long aquiline nose has a permanent hump where he once whacked himself accidentally with a polo mallet. Twice weekly his fingernails are professionally polished to a porcelain sheen, and the tooth whitener of his preference is imported at no small expense from Marseille. He calls his wife 'Casey-Coo' and they own four neutered Golden Retrievers, in lieu of children. They tend homes in Wellington, Florida; East Hampton, Long Island; and San Diego, California, where Maggad-Feist has its corporate headquarters. The man of the house loves sports cars, particularly those of German pedigree. Recently he turned forty-one, the same age at which Bebe the bottle-nosed dolphin (one of seven who played Flipper on TV) passed away.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Basket Case

“Up until a few years ago, I'd never had any doubts about newspaper work, never thought I'd made the wrong choice. I went into the business not because I was looking to get beat up or training to be a novelist, because I wanted to be Bob Woodward or Sy Hersh, kicking butt on the front page. Reality slowly set in and I realized that I wasn't destined for Washington or New York or even Miami, but still there were good stories; good days when I brought grief and misery and the occasional felony indictment on lowlifes such as Orrin Van Gelder. I believed the job was important, a public service, and as a bonus it was unfailingly entertaining. Every new story was a fresh education in human guile and gullibility. The headlines made a large splash in a small pond, but the ripples didn't last long. That didn't bother me either, because usually I was already caught up in something new. It's the best job in the business, chasing crooks in Florida, because the well never runs dry.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Basket Case

“Burnout is common because of the long hours, the crummy pay and the depressing nature of so much of what we write. As the saying goes, they never send us to the airport when the plane lands safely.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Basket Case

“Nobody with a living brain cell goes into the newspaper business for the money. They're in it because digging up the truth is interesting and consequential work, and for sheer entertainment it beats the hell out of humping product for GE or Microsoft.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Basket Case

“Ellis dutifully opens the top half of the bisected lid... and there's Jimmy Stoma. All things considered, he looks pretty darn spiffy. Better, in fact, than he did on some of his album covers. He's so lean and fit, you wouldn't guess he once outweighed Meat Loaf.”
― Carl Hiaasen, Basket Case