How Toddlers Thrive Quotes

“Sharing is equated with being a decent person. That may fit for adults but it is far from fitting for young children. Misunderstanding what sharing is and how your child learns about it over time gets in the way of healthy social development. This is especially true if share means giving up what they have and need. People who feel deprived or in need of something do not feel generous, especially when they are two, three, four, or five.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“At the point of the tantrum, your child has told you she is overwhelmed and over the edge. She cannot listen or be rational in the midst of it. Don’t make demands of your child, don’t try to cajole or negotiate, as she is too upset. Once they have hit the meltdown point, the best you can do is let them have the tantrum, and never laugh or shame them for it. This level of anger is actually frightening to them, too. They are literally beyond control themselves, their brains are overwhelmed, and they count on you to keep them safe. For some children, that means you sitting close by and waiting. Other children want or need to be held (some thrash a lot, so protect yourself).”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“kind of toddlertopia—that state of enjoying your toddlers, loving them, and embracing them, in all their ups and downs and paradoxical behaviors—without giving up your parental authority.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“Every time you comfort your child or walk them through a routine, you are helping form these connections.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“Many parents think their role is to make children happy. Meet their needs and they will be happy. But think about it. Your child knows how to be happy. Give him a lollipop? Happy. Let her splash in a mud puddle? Happy. Play run and chase, over and over again? Happy. They don’t need us to make them happy.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“clear to me what was happening. I explained”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“Knowing how to handle the negative leads to happiness, persistence, and the ability to handle life’s challenges. This can be seen clearly when we try to help our toddlers manage transitions, those that occur daily and bigger, one-time transitions as well. In doing so, you will set your child on the road to handling these hurdles throughout life. chapter seven Cracking the Code on Transitions Helping Toddlers Manage Change Three-year-old Annabelle is preparing a delicious Play-Doh meal she has carefully created, plates laid out on the floor all in a row, cups at each place, with bright red Play-Doh for the meal.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“part of the tantrum is the repair that follows. When your child has settled down, make sure to come back together and let her know you are still here for her—with a hug, a loving coming together. “You were so angry. I am here and I always love you. Even when you are screaming and upset.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“try to cajole or negotiate, as she is too upset. Once they have hit the meltdown point, the best you can do is let them have the tantrum, and never laugh or shame them for it. This level of anger is actually frightening to them, too. They are literally beyond control themselves, their brains are overwhelmed, and they count on you to keep them safe. For some children, that means you sitting close by and waiting. Other children want or need to be held (some thrash a lot, so protect yourself).”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“At the point of the tantrum, your child has told you she is overwhelmed and over the edge. She cannot listen or be rational”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“I understand you are really angry, that you don’t like this; but I can’t let you do that right now.” This shift lets the parents connect to what the child’s experience is while keeping a limit set. Within days, life was smoother and everyone was happier. They reported less whining, less angry tone, and their child (and parents!) moving on much faster from these confrontations. I am sure this four-and-a-half-year-old felt more understood.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“if you don’t help your child learn how to manage frustrations, anger, and setbacks when they are young, do you think they can magically do it later? Now is the time, in your loving care, that you can help them learn to handle negative feelings, in themselves and others, and set them up for success in life, learning, and relationships.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“parental words and actions bring the parent and child back together. The repair and recognition of their experience help the child settle back down. And even if it takes your child a while to settle (some children’s reactions are more intense emotionally and will need more time to subside), you have shown him you are there to provide help and comfort, even in rough times. How relieved he feels to know this! When you see responses from the child’s point of view, it helps you understand and label what they are feeling, which helps your child feel understood, and in turn brings down his emotional arousal, even if you can’t change the situation or undo what happened. Again, it does not mean giving in to every demand or desire. It means seeing what they see, and connecting to their emotional reactions.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“One of the best ways parents can help toddlers build these lifelong skills is by helping young children navigate their negative emotions.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“The bottom line: Do not notice what your children eat. Simply serve, chat, and enjoy.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“Talk about anything except the food. The idea is to socialize your child in mealtime behavior and that means not paying attention to the food they eat. For some parents this is a hard shift to make. But think about how it would feel to you if your friends commented on how much you ate of a meal. Or maybe you remember your own parent shaming you: “You don’t like that? Why’d you eat so little?” Children actually eat more when no one notices or comments on what they are eating”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“When your child is done eating, she is done. Most children, especially at two and three, won’t sit once they are finished and it is not reasonable to expect them to. It should be fine for them to get up and go play.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“In order to separate and grow into her best possible self, a child first needs a trusting relationship with you. She needs to know that she can count on you no matter what she does. This trust is built on her knowing that you understand all (or most!) of her needs.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“Whether we realize it or not, when we as adults signal to these easygoing children either our surprise or impatience when they do express frustration or upset, we only reinforce that they should not have such feelings. This means their sense of being a good or decent person is built on always being nice, saying yes, and agreeing to do whatever others want.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“So how do parents avoid pushing the shame button? They need to pull back and remember that their child is learning; learning means trial and error and figuring it out. For parents, this means backing off, directing less, withholding criticism, letting children try on their own, and refraining from correcting tasks we think are done incorrectly or from doing tasks for them. But it also means being there to help and comfort them when frustration, discomfort, and upset set in.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“These may seem like illogical choices to us, but they make perfect sense to a toddler. New boots? Who cares if it is hot and sunny outside—these are my new boots! Indeed, many of these choices make us parents very nervous. Our response? We tend to overcorrect and attempt to control them, which just makes them feel bad about themselves, which then results in shame.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“They need to experience events over and over (and over!) again to master them, especially something as hard as managing strong emotions. Lots of practice and repetition are needed. Every time you respond to a frightened child with comforting words, “Oh . . . that was scary. The noise was so loud. I’m here with you. You’re safe,” or you encourage your child to persist in a task by labeling their feelings, “You’re feeling so frustrated because that puzzle piece doesn’t fit! You can try again and it might fit,” your child is building connections between thoughts, feelings, and soothing. Over hundreds or even thousands of trials, your child will begin to internalize this process.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“own reactions so that you can better attune to experience”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“base?”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“Feeling reassured (and relieved), he quickly perked up and pounded the dough.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“learn they indeed can calm down, can follow directions, can sleep on their own.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“Think of consistency as a framework for the child’s day. A frame of “usually, we do things this way.” But not always, and even within daily routines, details can vary. If, most of the time, children are organized by routines, are made to feel safe, secure, and loved, then they are much more likely to roll with the punches when routines are broken.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“It’s often hard to stay calm and carry on! We forget how little and vulnerable they actually are. Especially when our toddlers’ behavior is confusing, irrational, and frustrating to us.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“a person who feels confident to explore the world around him with excitement and curiosity, who is not afraid to make mistakes, who feels secure enough to begin to make friends, and who feels well-adjusted enough to bounce back when she is disappointed.”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success

“(“Hitting people hurts. But I can hit that hammer toy instead.”) And it’s this ability to cope with strong feelings and handle behavior in socially acceptable ways that is the essence of self-regulation,”
― Tovah P. Klein, How Toddlers Thrive: What Parents Can Do Today for Children Ages 2-5 to Plant the Seeds of Lifelong Success