The Land and Its People Quotes

“You donate money to charity, and they spend it all trying to get you to donate more.”
― David Sedaris, The Land and Its People: Essays

“Had one of my teachers told my mother that I was acting up in class, she’d have said, “Thank you so much for letting me know.” Then she’d have come to wherever I was—in front of the TV or at the side of the TV, making my way to the front of it—and slapped my sister Gretchen so hard her eyes would have crossed. “What was that for?” Gretchen would have asked. “Oops, wrong kid,” my mother would have said. Then she’d have slapped me twice as hard to make up for her mistake.”
― David Sedaris, The Land and Its People

“It seems we’re all doing someone else’s job now. Workers have been replaced by machines but are still on the payroll.”
― David Sedaris, The Land and Its People: Essays

“Back at Kent State, loving Dawn meant hating myself—for being gay, for being too cowardly to admit it, and ultimately for hurting her the way I did. I will forever be grateful that she forgave me and that we can be in love again.”
― David Sedaris, The Land and Its People: Essays

“and was taught to say”
― David Sedaris, The Land and Its People: Essays

“That was the rub”
― David Sedaris, The Land and Its People: Essays

“What I wanted was a black cassock. That’s the ankle-length robe Catholic priests wear. I wanted one because they’re slimming”
― David Sedaris, The Land and Its People: Essays

“It was a shame that I was invited to the Vatican”
― David Sedaris, The Land and Its People: Essays

“Whenever I ran out of my prepared material”
― David Sedaris, The Land and Its People: Essays

“Me: Want to go to lunch next Wednesday? Her: I’m afraid that won’t be possible. Me: You’re probably busy with work. Her: It’s not that. I just don’t like to be around you for more than half an hour at a time. You’re needy in a way that makes me anxious”
― David Sedaris, The Land and Its People: Essays

“I’d rather spend time with someone who’s for the other side—who”
― David Sedaris, The Land and Its People: Essays

“A week before arriving at the beach, I told her about the protest I had passed in New Hampshire. "I am mad because my stupid, stupid president is a sausage," I'd said. "He cut the money for the radio and TV shows where women wear a bonnet."
"Let's talk about something else," she suggested, clearly uncomfortable.”
― David Sedaris, The Land and Its People

“If you think your life might be of interest to future generations, if you’re accomplished for whatever reason or hope to become accomplished, you might want to make your biography better by drinking more.”
― David Sedaris, The Land and Its People: Essays