Desperate Measures Quotes

“So, I'm hoping a meteor will fall on me right now. Then, I wouldn't have to worry about having no clue how to stop a Convergence.
Hm. That does not explain why you're lying on your back in the grass.
If I laid on my front, I couldn't breathe.
That would also solve your problem.
Yeah, but that would be me exercising my free will.”
― Craig Alanson, Desperate Measures

“You are always hungry. You get the proper amount of food for a dog your size, plus a bit more, since we’re walking most of the day. See?” I showed him the nutrition label I had torn off the dog chow bag. “It says right here, this is how much you should get.” “Hmm. You are trusting a label, that could have been written by a cat?” “It wasn’t written by a cat.” “Uh huh. Tell me something, since you always do what the label says. The other day, when I watched you eat an entire box of cookies, did the label list twenty four cookies as the serving size?”
― Craig Alanson, Desperate Measures

“Ooooh, I love stale chips!” Duke’s tail was wagging his entire butt, he was so excited. “You do? Come on, you don’t actually love them.” “I do. Stale chips are the ones I get to eat. If the chips are fresh,” his ears drooped and the tail hung low, “you keep them all to yourself.” “Uh huh. Your life is a shocking tragedy of endless suffering.” He gasped, his jaw dropping open. “You know that, and still you oppress me?”
― Craig Alanson, Desperate Measures