Very British Problems Quotes

“Switching from 'kind regards' to 'regards' as a warning that you're dangerously close to losing your temper.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Failing to understand someone, begging their pardon three times and then just nodding and smiling.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Name: One Shade of Grey

Description: You'll recognise this phenomenon through an inability to tell where the pavement ends and the sky begins. Nothing has ever been achieved on a One Shade of Grey day, so if you notice one upon opening your curtains the best advice is to climb back into bed, drink gin through a straw and remember the 'Lost Sun' days of years past.
Most likely: Any of the 18 months of winter.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Spending life squeezing past people, yet never once completing the sentence: 'Excuse me, sorry, do you mind if I just...?”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Tripping up over nothing and turning to stare furiously at the floor.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Feeling guilty for making traffic stop at the lights when you need to cross the road.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Accidentally saying ‘you’re welcome’ too loudly when someone hasn’t thanked you, and smiling politely when they look straight at you.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Worrying you’ll be suspected a
thief if exiting a shop without
making a purchase.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“The first ever text message is sent, meaning from this year forth Brits are able to express something nearing emotion without the horror of having to look anyone in the face.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Going to your doctor and replying, 'I'm fine thank you,' when they ask how you are.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Summarising that you, 'Wouldn't say it tasted great,' to indicate it's possibly the most revolting dish you've ever encountered.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Being alarmingly over-enthusiastic when able to tell the stranger that, 'Yes, this seat is free, and you may take it.'

Tanking someone on being told that, 'Yes, this seat is free, and you many take it,' as if they've just given you a kidney.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Chucking heartily after walking into a lamp post, despite a strong suspicion that you've broken your cheek.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Coughing when walking down a pavement at night to indicate to the person ahead of you that you're there and you're definitely not going to attack them. Result: they immediately thing you're going to attack them.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Getting out your toolbox and causing hundreds of pounds worth of damage to your house because it's bank holiday Monday.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Not quite catching someone's name meaning you can never speak to them again.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“1609
Shakespeare's sonnets are published. Brits struggle to deal with proclamations as saucy and forthright as suggesting the person they fancy is more lovely and temperate than a summer's day, regardless of the fact that the best summer's day in 1609 is a slightly cloudy 14°C, turning a bit chillier in the evening.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Getting stuck on a train for three days because a swan in the next county has decided to sit quite near the track.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Only persevering with rail travel due to bus timetables resembling something on of the harder codes assigned to Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Glowering at the Quiet Coach sign in the hope that it will cause a chatterbox to be ejected through the roof of the train.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“15. A fellow motorist lets you pull out in front of them. What's your response?
A: I wouldn't notice them from so high up in my truck
B: I wouldn't notice them because I haven't looked in my mirrors for about seven years
C: Thank them with every flashy device my car has, as if they've just donated me a kidney”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Allowing your car to smash headlong into a truck, rather than relinquish your right of way.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Taking tremendous pride in your ability to keep your full beam on until the very last second.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Flashing your indicators to thank a fellow motorist, just in case they missed your mini wave, thumbs-up, arm raise and hazard lights.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time