The Barkeep Quotes

“Life is unbearably perverse; that which we most seek to avoid always becomes unavoidable.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“There’s a place you can get to. It’s hard to find and it’s easy to fall out of, but there it is, that place. It is the sweetest place you’ve never been and it’s called I Don’t Give a Crap. Book yourself a ticket.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“Instead he lifted up his head and turned his neck so he could catch sight of the man just as he reached the back of the house—a darkly clothed figure with short legs and broad shoulders, his wide back hunched and powerful, running quite quickly despite a slight limp, ripping open the door with massive arms, tearing out into the light, glancing back with a quick twist of his huge neck before jumping like a cheetah over the fence.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“Sometimes you only saw yourself clearly in the eyes of those you’ve left, and what you saw was a horror.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“Here’s to being single, drinking doubles, and seeing triple.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“It’s all part of the bartender’s creed: make them fresh, make them cold, but most of all, if they’re a little overeager, make them wait.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“We put the fun in dysfunction.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“squeeze a pomegranate in a juicer, heat the juice enough to mix in an equal amount of sugar, and then for each cup of juice, add an ounce of pomegranate molasses and half a teaspoon of orange-blossom water.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“All he knows is that he has done exactly what he was supposed to do.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“For what was hope but a liar, preoccupied with the droughts of the past and the harvests of the future while it killed off the present with its bland blandishments?”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“He saw clearly the futility of trying to leave a mark on the shifting planes of reality, like trying to write his name in the foam of an ocean wave.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“Can’t say that I have.” “It’s not too hard if you ignore all the hard ways to do it. Just squeeze a pomegranate in a juicer, heat the juice enough to mix in an equal amount of sugar, and then for each cup of juice, add an ounce of pomegranate molasses and half a teaspoon of orange-blossom water. Simple as that.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“At my age, the only time I don’t have to pee is when I’m peeing.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“The meditation, the tatami mats and ceremonial teas, the calm words coming from an apparently calm center were all fronts. What he was really searching for was an emotional desert to call his own.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“What’s the matter?” said the foul old man. “Birdie got your tongue?”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“Drinking tea is like kissing your dog. It’s warm and wet, sure, but where’s the kick? If I need to, I’ll just pick up another Venti at the Starbucks and use the bathroom there.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“are two types of the mentally deficient in this world. The first type mistake their lack of understanding for bold perception. This type of deficiency is often found in urologists and presidential candidates and is as dangerous as the plague.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“perspicacity.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“All the lies ever told in a bar could be distilled into three: I’m not a drunk; I’m not trying to pick your pocket; I’m not looking for meaningless impersonal sex.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“It’s funny what kind of hell you can get used to.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“And in the middle of it all, as he’s pounding away, you detect a note of caring, and from him it’s worth the world. Because you know somewhere in there is the key to every happiness you could ever hope for, if only he’ll let you grab hold, and turn it, and open up his heart. But in truth, all he lets you grab hold of is his ass. And then the pounding is over, and though it was good, damn good, ridiculously intoxicatingly good, that’s not all you were looking for. But by the time the glow has faded, he’s retreated into his own little world and you are put in the position of a shrew, begging for more.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“It was dirty and grown-up and transgressive and thrilling in its perverse little way, all the things I couldn’t help being attracted to, being as I’m nothing myself if not perverse.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“I have a taste for the unvarnished truth,”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“Now Violet had let herself go until she could barely make it out of the house to buy her Oreos and booze. But if you looked closely, beneath the folds of flesh ravaged by bitterness and drink, you could see the lovely creature she had been, and what she had been then was just as bitter and vindictive as what she was now.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“A feast of smooth oblivion.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“And he clutched it tight in his fist, as if it were his final, brightest hope in a world of tragic illusions.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“With all the world’s uncertainties and injustices, with all the doubt that piles around us like dead leaves in an autumn storm, you remain so sure of your truths. It must be comforting to be so sure.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“bike was old and loud and smelled like something was burning when he rode it, but it was also loaded with chrome, its tank was a sweet cobalt blue, and with the detachable windshield and leather saddlebags that came with it, it was in shape enough to carry him out onto the road all over again.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“Whatever they had together, it was collapsing under its own weight. He could see the signs. Her dissatisfaction was showing, like a slip beneath the hem of a crisply pleated skirt, and it ruined the whole effect.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep

“We talked about this before. The rare beauty of nonattachment.”
― William Lashner, The Barkeep